For the guys: Would you prefer a girl to make the first move?

[hisashiluv14]

I've always wondered about this. I'm not exactly shy about making my feelings known to guys (only if they're fun crushes though) and I have went up to guys to ask for their numbers before. I'm curious to know what the males think of this though. I've heard conflicting stories from both sides... this one guy in my school whom I know said once that he'd never go out with a girl who is too direct (aka who makes the first move), while there are also people who say that the girl making the first move takes the pressure off the guys to do so and to face possible rejection.

So what are your thoughts on this, GUYS?

[charmian]

YikEs..Gurls who make the first move are sorta scary..i dunno..maybe i grew up in a very traditional family or somthing..i mean..i dun wanna see gals going crazy over the guy by stalking him or wadeva...YEeKs! No matter wad..its still scary!

[JianDan[Ai]]

no one said anything about stalking =P

i voted the second one, cuz im not afraid to make the frist move...if i KNOW someone well enough. Im too shy tho, to ask someone out that i barely know, or that i just met. I need to get to know the person first before i can even think of doing something.

But i have no problem with girls making the first move. I dont see them as scary, unless of course...they are stalking me and know the color of my underpants everyday or something like that, that might feel a bit uncomfortable, esp if i dun like, or an not interested in the girl.

And i think to be so "traidional" and follow rules for something like this, is really dumb and trivial. I think most girls however still think that guys should make the first move, and therefore they dont do anything. I guess it IS society's tradition that the guys are the ones that hafta take the risk, (of being rejected) and girls are always safe. But u know, guys like risky girls too :shifty:

[sakikora]

GIRLS???? TAKE THE FIRST MOVE???...ok....um...those girls are kinda scary...no offence...but usually it is the guy...and those girls are too over confident....

i mean i love jay and all...but i'll never make the first move.....unless of course it is really despreate

[mad_doi]

it would b so cool if a girl took the first move. those girls arent scary at all. n ne way im a shy little hamster. i never kno if someone likes me or not until its too late.

there was only one weird time where a girl did that to me. i wouldnt have cared if she had asked me out or watever cause she didnt, she was waiting for me. i didnt even kno she had a crush on me but she was at my locker everyday n was always lookin for me for a couple days. it was bad timing. drama was happening between me, her and my other (girl) friend.

[bethie_me]

I don't think there's anything wrong with the girl making the first move but I'll never make the first move. My teacher said that girls making the first move is cool because it shows how "confident" they are.

[Squall]

i voted for the second option..
if the girls make the first move that shows that she is very brave and confidence..and i like those type of girls.
and i will not face the rejection if the girl make the first move..
but girls making the first move have it's cons also..what if the girls is not the type that i am interested :dry: and i don't want to break those girl's heart :wink2:

[hellokitty]

I'm a girl but I don't think I'll ever make the first move...I'm really shy and stuff...also I don't like facing rejections...

I mean, its alright If I'm the one that rejects a guy but you know what I mean...and facing the embarassment afterwards~!! :crazy:

[dragonx311]

ob course .. if the girl makes the first move .. then you know she likes you. it is very hard for a girl to tell someone they like them. the girl must REALLY like you if they make the first move .. so you know your doing something right .. :thumbsup:

[hisashiluv14]

I mean, its alright If I'm the one that rejects a guy but you know what I mean...

Actually, I don't. You're basically saying that it's all right if you reject a guy but not all right if he rejects you? Why? Because guys have no feelings? I'm sorry but that simply makes no sense.

But seriously people, for the girls who said they won't make the first move, are you guys really willing to go through the whole "Oh he is so cute oh I so want him but oh I so don't want to approach him oh he is so fine!" kinda shite? I dunno, I personally prefer to not go through that at all and just go up to the guy and be like, "Hey, you're cute, can I have your number?"

Yes, you face possible rejection, but I think it's better than not doing anything at all. And besides, such nonsense makes life interesting. :) (for me anyway.)

There are people who voted for 'depends on the situation'. Where the hell is my elaboration? Come on, speak up! This is interesting!

[mad_doi]

yea me n my other friend were discussin about this months ago.

she kept sayin that the guy should ask the girl out.

but i'm goin why does it always have to b the guy. rejection is hard n i dont to b the only one facing it everytime. both of us r in the same situation so it isnt fair for the guy to b sacrificing himself over n over again.

a guy experiences the same feelings during those awkward situations. dont assume we all can bounce back quicker.

[vunsin]

If the guy's too shy and so is the girl, then too bad! :rolleyes: One of them should make the move. Otherwise they'll never end up together even if they suspect deep down that they're "perfect" for each other.

There'll never be gender equality if we continue to hold on to those outdated standards that the society had set for us back in the ice age. Women can't be hypocrites and ask for equality when they think that it's okay to reject a guy but not okay to be rejected by a guy.

Just go out there and get what you want! Things don't happen when you just sit there and wait.

[roche]

ahhh.....interesting topic, yelen!!!!!

i don't know, i guess i'm just by nature less forward. going up to a guy and asking him for his number is completely out of the question for me...!!! nope, won't do it! :angel:

the part about telling a guy that i like him first is more of an issue on my part, as in, that's something that i'll consider doing...
i mean, i guess i'll fall for someone only after i know the person, and so i will have less qualms about confessing....

though there are always other confounding issues that prevent me from confessing outright, like how our friendship will be affected if he doesn't feel the same way...
though i guess this applies the other way around too, ie its an issue that guys might consider as well....

here's another thought, would you guys (or girls) confess to your crush that you like him/her if you feel that he/she does not reciprocate? as in, you don't think he/she does, but there's always some doubt....

[rosiean86]

I don't find anything wrong with girls making the first move, but personally...I just can't. It's not that I expect him to make the first move or anything, it's just that I'm so shy that it's really hard. I mean, I guess if I knew the guy really well it'd be easier, but I don't even have any close guy friends. Like awhile ago, I had this ordeal with a guy in my history class..and I kept on chickening out from asking him to prom, and I ended up without a date for prom, which kinda sucked. I dunno if I regret it though, because I got to know him and it turns out he isn't my type...way too lazy.

I'm way too unconfident to just go up to a guy or flirt with him...I mean, I'm shy to begin with, and I still haven't grown out of my teenage angst of "MAN, I'm ugly." The guys I usually crush on are the really popular, preppy guys, and so I always think that there's no chance they would even talk to me. That doesn't help at all =P But I'm still young, hopefully I can still pick up some tricks here and there and then one day get up the guts to ask a guy out :yeah:

[hisashi]

Hmm, first move in what sense? u go up to a stranger and ask for his number? :? or ask a guy friend to a date?
like someone has said, when a gal ask a guy for his number, obviously she is interested in him! Trying to know him better is another thing.. it's the physical attraction right? or else just by looking at his appearance (ie ugly and not appealing), she won't even try to ask his number. Erm, that applies to me. Of course, after that, you must make an effort to know him better by asking him out etc. I have been through that. Nah, not me making the 1st move, it's the guy. I have to admit that I was attracted to him at first but it's my problem... that "asking for his number" never came to my mind.. and the fact that I only known him for two days (most of the time I dunno what he is thinking/doing). During the two days, I was totally passive.. and yes, the guy only asked for my number at the very last moment and we were done with everything and I was about to leave...I guess I can understand him at that moment.. struggling to ask for my number... the fear of rejection was there too... ^^;
Anyways, if it's the rejection that gals are afraid of, I guess it's inveitable. I think it's okay if the gal gets rejected by a stranger because you guys might not see each other again (even it is, I think I will forget his looks) but if it's a guy friend..then..I guess it would be awkward and embarrassing.. ^^;

Hmm, maybe I should make the 1st move... :rolleyes: maybe not... I think it's due to my personality and social skills... I will get all funny when I try to talk to a stranger... I think guys will see me as a Shi San Dian..if not an iceberg queen...^^; and also, trying to be more open abt the whole thing like,"Sorry, but I've got a gf" you got to accept various kind of rejections too.. >"<

[vunsin]

here's another thought, would you guys (or girls) confess to your crush that you like him/her if you feel that he/she does not reciprocate? as in, you don't think he/she does, but there's always some doubt....
Been there, done that. I met this guy when I first started college in Malaysia. We were two of the co-founders of the Dance, Drama, and Music Society and we became fast friends. We started hanging out together everyday and I had a huge crush on him but I had a feeling he was treating me more like a little sister. Actually, he was a little younger than I but he was a big guy and for some reason, he started to treat me like a little sister. Anyhow... I'd always suspected he wasn't interested in me the same way I was interested in him, but before I came to the US (about a year after we met), I just had to tell him how I felt just so I'd feel better. I kept thinking, if we never met again, he'd never know how I'd felt about him. I just thought he should know. At least I'd have no regrets and could go on with my life without wondering, "What if...?" We're still friends now and chat online all the time.

[roche]

sigh, vunsin. for me its a "going through that" phase....i'm stuck at this phase like forever!!!!
i've been trying to pluck up my courage to say something too, but i just can't seem to bring myself to do it. each time i want to say it, a voice in my head goes "but there's no point in telling him, since he probably doesn't feel the same way and all you'll accomplish is to make things wierd between you guys...." the thing is, i would tell him if i thought it would make me feel better.....but somehow i doubt it. so here's the dilemma i've been stuck in for the longest while....sigh. it seems like a lose-lose situation to me....telling him will make things wierd between us (coz even if he acts normally, i don't think i could....) and not telling him will leave me wondering....

[vunsin]

It really depends on how things are between you two. I mean, when I decided to tell my friend, I knew exactly what kind of person he was and I also knew that no matter how he felt about me, we'd still be able to remain friends. So... you'd definitely have to know the guy's personality more before doing anything. Some guys would just run away and hide from you after you tell them you like them. Some guys, even though they like you, they just can't accept you making the first move. So... I'd say... make sure the guy's able to take it. :laughing:

[roche]

hm....well.....i was actually more afraid of me rather than him :angel:
as in, i know that i'll probably end up feeling shy and awkward when i see him in future, if i do tell him about it....
even if he's fine with it, and acts normally, i don't think i can....and this is why i've put off saying anything for the longest time.
the thing is, i think we used to flirt a little in the past, but i guess overtime, we've settled into the "good friends" mode....and i only belatedly realized that i like him then.

ah well...i guess i'll just end up not saying anything at all....:angel:

[sagara0510]

most of my ex gf's were the ones who made the move on me...not saying i'd never make a move...i have before...taken the first step...its hard at first but it gets easier as u do it more often...getting rejected isn't the end of the world... and i'd just rather go through life knowing i did all that i could instead of sitting around thinking 'what if i had said something'.... i dun like to live with regret...

roche i think it takes a very brave person to make the first step...not just guys...not just girls...a brave PERSON...there are alot of chicken guys out there too...

for me... i have huge admiration for any girl who is willing to make the first move... and i have no respect for guys who can't work up the courage to say the 3 little words 'i like you'....

[hisashiluv14]

here's another thought, would you guys (or girls) confess to your crush that you like him/her if you feel that he/she does not reciprocate? as in, you don't think he/she does, but there's always some doubt....

Kinda did that. I used to date this guy in my class (LQPers might know of him as the wrestling fanatic, and please, stop laughing) and again, I was the one that told him how I felt. But the situation was kinda different. Okay, let me try to explain.

We were friends when the new term started last year. Sat next to each other during boring Maths lectures and hence entertained each other, bugged each other like friends do, etc, and I even managed to drag him to a basketball match with me even though he hates basketball (the match turned out to be absolutely boring). A few months later, he asked me to go to this funfair held in his sister's school. I said okay, let's do it.

The funfair turned out to be lame, as all funfairs are, so we headed over to this nice place in Singapore called Harbour Front. Walked around for a bit, and he was like, "Wanna watch a movie sometime?"

Clear sign that he's interested, right? At that point in time I realised that I liked him too. So it was all happy happy joy joy until the next day in school. During PE, my classmates and I were sitting around, gossiping, and this classmate of mine told me that the guy actually has a crush on another girl.

I got damn pissed off and all. I was more angry than upset, I think, because I hate being played by anybody and that, to me, was a serious insult to my pride. I gave him the cold shoulder for two days and after those two days, I began to get very tired of being angry. So I just confessed. Told him that I was pissed off because I liked him, and I thought he liked me too but apparently he had a crush on some stupid girl from the science stream.

So that was how I confessed despite having major doubts. In the end it was kind of okay though because we did get together, but I broke up with him two months later 'cause I got kinda bored. And today, we're not talking, mainly because of me. I have some issues which I can't work out but whatever.

Anyway, Roche, your situation sounds like it's a lot different from mine and it does sound like you're too shy to do anything about it. IMO, you should only tell your friend about your feelings if the two of you can be totally honest and open with each other while you're in the midst of doing it. Say something like, "You'd probably be okay with this but I think I'd feel really awkward around you later. Always remind me of our friendship, okay?"

I mean, a friend of mine told this guy that she's liked him for about a year and apparently things are weird between them. Well, then again, he IS in the army right now so they don't see each other much.

I dunno. Things like that are always complicated. But I still think that one should let one's feelings be known to the other party... personally, I'd feel like I'm hiding something from the other person if I don't say anything.

Well good luck Roche, hope it all works out somehow. :)

Hisashi: First move as in both. Ask for number, ask for first date, tell the guy you like him, yadayadayada. Anything, ya know? :)

Come to think of it, I was the one who made the first move in all the relationships I've had thus far, which is two, and I hope no more. How interesting.

Jason (right?): Thank you. there's hope! there's hope!

[scarletwillow]

If the girl makes the first move, usually it's some girls I don't like.
If the I make the first move, usually I get rejected.
If I don't make any move, usually that's when I like someone too much.

Yelen, you should've body slammed him, and while he's down, gave him a flying elbow.

[hisashi]

That means it must be really due to my personality that I can't really go up to a guy and say,"Erm, can I have your number?" and then start to msg..call.. a date... to know him better.. >_<

Maybe for the sake of fun, I will probably do it. =P But sometimes, I tend to think too much like.. no friendly gestures from the guy... then me too friendly... probably reflect me as a "desperate" gal.. I dunno... that's why I dun think of wanting to know him more... :D it's just a hi and bye thing most of the time... =P

As to Roche's question, I think I am in the same situation as her.. but it's kinda confusing.. I thought I like him... then he sort of pissed me off without him knowing.. I ignored him for 1 week! then we contacted again..then he pissed me off again... the cycle just go round.. and i gave up.. i almost wanted to tell him I only treat u as my friend..then got swayed by my fren..so i dun tell him.. then i begin to have good feelings abt him.. but not yet to say,"I like you" or "I love you" phase... then now i just go with the flow... trying to decipher whether he likes me can be very tiring...

like Yelen said, it's better if both of us are open with each other...i guess he and i are not to that stage yet..

Precisely! If I told him I like him without knowing that he likes someone else then i will be embarrassed! I am a thin-skinned person!

Why would a guy who make the 1st move gets rejected by gals? are we gals being so nasty? :sweat:

[vunsin]

hisashi: Maybe you should try a different approach. How about you give him your phone number? :laughing: Maybe you'll think that's too desperate though. :rolleyes: I don't know... I think I'm pretty thick-skinned for a girl. :hmm:

[hisashi]

:laughing: What I want to say is that I am a thin-skinned not thick-skinned! anyways, vunsin, it's way too obvious.. :oops: There's a difference bwtn a gal giving him her number and she asking for his number.. sometimes the guy might not want to call you even! Then, it's the end of story.. =P

[vunsin]

At least you tried? :? That's my philosophy: You won't know until you try. Why waste time guessing? You'll never achieve anything. And I don't mean just in your romantic life. I hate those "What if's."

[eastballer40]

i don't think theres anything wrong with a girl showing interest first or flirting first or striking up a conversation first or telling me she likes me, but if a girl asked me for my #, i would feel kinda... weird. Maybe its cuz im sorta traditional or maybe its cuz of my environment, but the only girls at my school who would ask for a guys #, I wouldnt even consider for a gf just because of the types of girls they are.

[vunsin]

the only girls at my school who would ask for a guys #, I wouldnt even consider for a gf just because of the types of girls they are.
What type of girls are they, exactly? And whatever type they are, I hope you won't generalize and think that all girls who ask for guys' numbers are like those girls at your school.

[ericheng]

i don't know..... i relli like this girl.. and i was gonna ask her out.... but then when i was gonna say it.... i just couldn't...... and i don't know why... i relli like her.... but i just can't say it out somehow.... and she changed school just today... i MISS HER SOOO MUCH!!!! *sigh* :'( what should i do???

[hellokitty]

I mean, its alright If I'm the one that rejects a guy but you know what I mean...

Actually, I don't. You're basically saying that it's all right if you reject a guy but not all right if he rejects you? Why? Because guys have no feelings? I'm sorry but that simply makes no sense.



Forget what I said okay? I just reckon guys are more strong emotionally...and they'll just pretend nothing happened if a girl rejects them...but for me, I would be pretty desperate if I did ask a guy out and if he rejected me :cry: I'll never be able to face him again :shy:

[hisashiluv14]

hellokitty: Okay, forgotten. :)

hisashi: Last year I went up to this basketballer in my school, who is a year... wait, he's two years older than me 'cause he was held back for a year. Yeah, he was my senior (I hate saying that though) and shit like that so I went up to him in front of all his classmates and went, "Hey, saw you play against [insert name of school] and you were really good. I think you're cute too. can I have your number?"

Kinda did it for the fun of it, cause school is crap-boring and I needed a distraction. Too bad for me that he said, "Um, maybe next time when I see you around" though. It wasn't really a big deal for me... I just took it like, oh, okay, never mind then. *shrugs* For me it's largely the thrill of asking rather than really getting, you know? And yeah, one has to be rather thick skinned for this kinda missions! :laughing: Don't think too much of it. That's all I can say. :wink2:

Jlo: Body slam? Nah, silent treatment is good enough. :) I don't know what else to say but... wait for the right person! Cliche but true. And I think you believe in that so... yeah. :) But seriously, whoever rejects you is a bimbo. Probably not intellectual enough for you. Their loss, those idiots.

[sweep]

I am a traditionalist as well but sometimes it depends on the situation. I chose the latter part because when you are itching to get a response from a guy you like and he is too slow to make a move or shy about it. It is the time for the girl to make a move. If this is not the case, it is better that the guy should be the one to make the first move. The girl should be treated like a princess but at the same time treated also with respect! :wink2:

[eastballer40]

What type of girls are they, exactly? And whatever type they are, I hope you won't generalize and think that all girls who ask for guys' numbers are like those girls at your school.

Good question. At my school, they are the girls who flirt with every guy they see and when they are with a bf, they leave them if some1 better comes along. I used to go with one of them and some of my best friends went with those types too. They are always on the prowl so to speak. My life is too busy with studies, basketball, friends, family, etc to worry about whether my gf will leave me or not. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened earlier this year. What a huge waste of my time. Then, i look at my best friend who has a gf who never flirts with other guys. They have the best relationship i have ever seen at my high school. I'm not saying that girls cant be aggressive because I certainly dont mind a girl making the first move. And in my best best friend's relationship, the girl did make the first move. Im just saying that the concept of a girl askin me for a # if i dont even know her is kinda... freaky i guess. Reminds me of the girls im trying to avoid.

And as for your other question, no, i dont think all girls are like that. That would be rather blind of me. however, i usually dont have time to meet girls who dont go to my school or other high schools in my area so that situation doesnt really apply to me i guess. I understand that in the "real world" sexual roles are rapidly changing and it is very normal for girls to ask guys for their # these days. Just not at my high school :wink2:

[scarletwillow]

Shut yo' mout EastBalla, dem be HOS and dats all dey are.
Girls like that (and guys) just make me laugh. The ones that flitter from guy to guy, or girl to girl like bees and flowers. Laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh haha laugh. Mr. STD will be calling them soon.

Don't sugarcoat it too much man... truth is, American high school just isn't a cloud in heaven anymore.
You fuck me and I'll fuck you... Highschoolmon! Gotta fuck 'em all.

Yelen: Yes, they are idiots! They will never realize the opportunity they have blown! I mean, she will never realize it! Because I've only asked one girl out before (not Rose, btw) and she said "Sorry". Doh!

[hisashiluv14]

Ah is it that bad in American high schools Jlo? Because with the exception of one or maybe two, all my friends are virgins.

But then I've been reading articles in the papers, making a mountain out of a molehill about increasing teenage non-virgins. Yeah, whatever. I find it harder and harder to take the papers seriously, especially with such horrible writing. :dry:

And don't worry Jlo, the girl who says 'yes' would be a genius and I say that with no irony at all.

[vunsin]

eastballer40: You're still young so you shouldn't have to worry about going steady with just one girl now. :wink2: I'm not saying you should fool around. All I'm saying is that you should date more, meet different types of girls, and just have fun right now. As long as you're honest about it and everyone involved is okay with it, that's alright. There's no need to make any commitments right now.

Jialiu: Watch your language. :yeah: I don't know about your school or how many high schools you've been too, but there ARE decent girls out there. Don't go around ruining their reputations! :rolleyes:

[en_en]

I'm actually always the one making the first move, but thats maybe because the guys i tend to go for are too shy. I dont go up and ask for their numbers though, i start out by saying hi and catching his eye in the hallways and waving or smiling or something. and then maybe i slip him a note with my number on it telling him to call me.

like the guy im after now, hes a year older than me and ive been saying hi and stuff to him for a long time now and just a few days ago a friend of mine found out that he likes me too, the problem is, we dont really know each other.

i dont usually go for outspoken guys, because like the situation stated above on girls or guys flirtting with everyone, shy guys dont tend to do that cause...well, theyre shy. and plus, i have a major issue with jealousy, bad i know. >_<

most of the guys ive talked to says that they like it when the girl makes the first move, i dont really see why they wouldnt. i think it makes them feel relieved that that they dont have to, and flattered that someone is interested. everyone likes their ego stroked once in a while.

[feixuan]

AH great topic!! Yelen..LOL
I choose the last choice. I think i could be the first move if i know that guy s too shy, or doesnt dare to talk with me. Anyhow if i see a guy with lot of confident ,i ll be patient and wait for that guy be the first move ,cause i know he ll move,,LOL.
Anyway i m always the first move since i have bf :rolleyes:

[fukakyon]

Hey, I opted for the second option. To my belief, gals that move the first move are self-confident. As long as they are not too aggressive that will do.. I meant those gals that always make the first move, they are open-minded rite (sorry if I offend anyone here!)... I mean y only the guys ask for the gals contact, can't be the other side round... to me it perfectly okay. One of my buddy was asked for his number when we go clubbing that time... nw, they ended up as a couple. But I had to confess my buddy did make the first move to improve their relationship to another stage and his gf went along with it (obviously she luv it, haha).

I agree with feixuan, if tat guy is obsessed with confident and holding a torch for u, I'm sure he will make the first move cos he will!!! :bleh:

[mikey]

i wouldnt mind the girl making the first move, that was i can see if i like her or not and then either make a move or run away ^_^ , instead of spending time going after her and at the end her really got no feelings for me.

[Stevenz]

i wouldnt like the girl to take the first move because i think guys should take the first move.. Don't embarrase mankind.. hahaha.. we guys must dare to try, dare to take the first move, and dare to fail...

[xiaojielun]

yeah sort of, i do hey
not too sure why, maybe cos i'm a bit shy, i mean i would always worry whether if they will reject me or not if i ask, you know?
dunno, just seems less awkward if she asked

[Stevenz]

yeah.. i bet most of the guys are like this.. like that girl, but then dont know if that girl have any interest in him.. Wanna take the first move... but afraid being rejected.. lol. I got rejected once.. it was last month.. felt kinda.. embarrased? haha. but then I felt good... as if i just let go one burden XD

[ask4more_jay]

doesn't it depend on wat your description of
"first move" is?
like.. wats your idea of "first move"...
saying "i love you" or asking someone out?
or just talking?
wats "first move"?

[kirasuran]

ahhahaaha ~! mmm...interesting..indeed...

i selected the "depends" one, simply because...im inxperienced in this area, sorta. if it were my fantasy world, then i would prefer for her to make the first move, but not because it takes the heat off me, its because...im a more "passive" person, im not normally the person to do things first.

and ...im still young-ish, so things may change.

[ying64]

Ohh I can't vote -.-;; anyways, I think its okay for the girl to make the first move...but for me personally, I would like the guy to make the first move 'cuz it just seems better that way...to have myself do something first seems a bit odd and I would like a guy that would make a move first; I don't really like guys that are too shy =3

[Tonwah]

It really depends, for me. Normally, it's the boys to move on, traditionally, but if the boy if very shy that he doesn't dare to say anything? If I'm the girl, I'll do it instead of him. He He