When Does A Preference Become A Fetish?

[Sugar&Spice]

So many people talk about fetishes now-a-days. They even accuse others of having them. I want to pin-point one kind of fetish, and that is the one about race.
I have noticed that when people of another race, like someone from another race, all of a sudden people start saying they have a fetish. And say things like," Jungle fever, Yellow fever, etc." So why is it that people can't just have a prefference?! When do people start thinking of a prefference as a fetish?! And why?
The way I look at it, people just have different taste. So I want to hear your opinions, what dose everyone feel about this?!

[orangeman]

I always thought a fetish is when someone gets obsessed for something. For example, a person may prefer feet, but a fetish for feet turns them on. Most fetishes are sexually based, so that explains why it turns people on(feet example).

[hisashiluv14]

I think the word 'fetish' is mostly overused. Sometimes when people say they have an Asian fetish, they really mean that they like Asian men/women/both. For those that mean they have a FETISH fetish, the thing for which they have a fetish, like orangeman said, turns them on.

So yeah I think it's just an abuse of language. That's quite common nowadays.

[Sugar&Spice]

Okay, but when people say they have an asian fetish, or a black fetish etc. I usually see these people dating, people of their fetish choice just because that person is the color they like, and not because of their personality. I like Asian guys, but if the personality stinks, I'm turning the other way. But people who have a fetish don't care about these things, just as long as that person is a certain race. Dosen't anybody see anything wrong with that?! Or am I making a moutain out of a molehill?!

[Singerchick]

Okay, but when people say they have an asian fetish, or a black fetish etc. I usually see these people dating, people of their fetish choice just because that person is the color they like, and not because of their personality. I like Asian guys, but if the personality stinks, I'm turning the other way. But people who have a fetish don't care about these things, just as long as that person is a certain race. Dosen't anybody see anything wrong with that?! Or am I making a moutain out of a molehill?!

Yeah there is something wrong with that, but people are shallow.

There are plenty of people who date others for the pure reason they are "hot" but have no personality whatsoever, so I guess in a sense that works for your whole "fetish" dilemma. But that's life, and there's really nothing that can be done, unless you plan to preach random strangers on the street.

[Sugar&Spice]

Yeah there is something wrong with that, but people are shallow.
There are plenty of people who date others for the pure reason they are "hot" but have no personality whatsoever, so I guess in a sense that works for your whole "fetish" dilemma. But that's life, and there's really nothing that can be done, unless you plan to preach random strangers on the street.

Okay first of all, I have no "dilema" So lets just get that straight.


Secondly, people dating other people because they are "HOT". Dose not fit into what I'm talking about here. If you read my first post, I'am talking about a certain kind of FETISH. Whcih deals with color. You got that?! Good.


Thrid of all, I don't see why you are being so sarcastic. What is your problem?! If I posted this thread, it is because it is an intreasting topic. In case you hadn't noticed this is a debate thread. Where topics are posted. So if you feel I should go preach on the streets abut this topic. Then surely you are telling everyone who posted on this site to do the same?! I really don't get what your problem is, but maybe you should try going back to bed and getting up on the other side. Because the one you woke up on dosen't suit you well.

[wil69]

I have always thought that a "fetish" by definition had a hint of something perversion involved. something that is sexually different from the normal standard, like a school-girl fetish, or a pissing fetish.

Preferences, on the other hand, are just the type of person you prefer over another. like a brunette, long haired girls, short girls

the problem is that the word "fetish" is being over-used and generalized. i hear about white guys having an 'asian fetish' when they like asian girls. i guess this implies they only want to have sex w/ asian girls as opposed to being interested in a girl w/ an asian background and culture.

[KendoTiger]

I believe it has been overused in recent years: although it directly means something similar to "preference", it carries the connotation of "dirty" or "illicit" - basically, you like something you aren't supposed to.

Yet if you take it by even this definition, it is impossible to apply to every type of situation. Take a "pissing fetish" for instance. It's been found that there really aren't any "abnormal" sexual practices, as there tends to be a fairly liberal population (internationally) of which some practice said sexual act. Er, reworded: psychologists found there isn't any real "taboo" sex act - they are all practiced by some portion of the population. Now - although most people would considered being sexually attracted to someone pissing as a no-no, you couldn't strictly call it a fetish as people do practice it ._.".

Basically, the use of the word fetish describes not only a select preference ("I'm white and like Asian girls", "I'm Asian and I like White girls"), but also the speakers view of the preference. If they see a positive relationship, they will most likely use preference; if they see a negative relationship, they will use the word "fetish".

[Sugar&Spice]

I'm going to have to disagree with the last post. Fetises when you are talking about Fetishes, with race, granted some might feel it is a fetish when they don't approve of a certainrace dating another one. But that is not all that it is. If you are only atrracted to someone because of their race, and want to be with that person, and are not concerned woith the qualities they have. That is a fetish, because you are only concerned with what you want. And with onlly your own personal pleasure. But if you have a prefrence, then you like a certain race, not only because you find them attractive, but also because of a certain quality they posses. Fetis is giving way to your own erotic pleasures, and nothing else matters.

There are sexual acts that are fetishes. Because it is not normal to want to be pissed on and other silly things like that. Fetishes are things out of the norm. Just because people practice Fetishes, dose not mean it is not a fetish. I just means that there are alot of people doing them.

[KendoTiger]

Sorry Sugar, you're not getting it.

A fetish does not strictly relate to sex (it is more commonly used when talking about sex, yes) - it can apply to pretty much any action. It's similar to saying, "I raped my girlfriend's music collection". There is no sexual act involved at all, but the connotation of violating and indescriminantly devouring her music still stands. Someone could say, "I have a fetish for wearing yellow hats" - again, there is no relationship to anything sexual.

If everyone got arroused by looking at elephant pictures, you would not be able to call that a fetish. You, who is not arroused by elephant pictures, would be the one with a fetish.

By saying that you are "only concerned with what you want", you imply that people should also pay attention to societal norms in choosing their preferences. This just supports my earlier statement - using the word "fetish" instead of "preference" relates to the speaker's point of view (which is based heavily on what is socially acceptible). But then, it is only likely to be similar to socially accepted norms because it is more likely the speaker does not have said preference.

Let me restate that - I'm thinking that something I'm saying is being lost.

If someone thinks a preference is good, they call it a preference. If they think it is bad, they call it a fetish. They decide if it is good or bad based on their own idea of it. It is very likely that they will decide it is good or bad based on how socially accepted it is - because social acceptance relates to the majority (ie - the majority of people like yellow hats, so having a preference for yellow hats is acceptable. If the majority of people like purple hats, a preference for yellow hats is a "fetish") in a population.

Now, in the purple-hat example, if you were to ask a yellow hat-loving person, if they thought yellow-hats is a preference or a fetish, they (Yellow Hat people) would say "it's a preference". If you were to ask a purple-hat person (more likely you would get one of these people), they would say yellow-hats are a "fetish".

Therefore, the word fetish relies primarily on it's connotation - it is used in conjunction with the speakers attitude towards the topic at hand.

[Sugar&Spice]

First of all its Sugar&Spice. Got it?! Good!!

I don't need you to make little examples for me to follow(yellow hat people, purple hat people) I didn't just step out of pre-school. But you on the other hand I wonder about. Sense you in fact are the one that needs the examples spelt out. Because you are not getting the sense of what I'm saying. Instead you are intent on writing long essays that really don't add up to anything, because by the end of the post, you still don't have the point. So READ CAREFULLY....

In the begining of my earlier post, I said that there are alot of fetishes, but the ONE I WANT TO DISCUSS IS THE ONE ABOUT RACE. Which dose have something to do with people who are out for their own sexual pleasure. And those who just have a preference. So that really leaves your little," Yewllow hat, Purple hat, in the dust.

Where do I support the wholle"Dating according to social statis?! Your need to pin-point that one, because nothing that I said, even gave that impression.

Also, I really suggest that you look up the word fetish, and then look at how it is being used in this thread. Before you go writing long essays, and wasting not only your time, but also the ones reading it.

[KendoTiger]

Sorry Sugar&Spice, I wrote this before I read your comment in the other thread regarding how you want people to your name.

I was not making the examples for you specifically, but to better explain my own point. By writing it out, I can rethink what I am trying to say, and make it comprehensible for everyone (this is not an "english is the first language only" forum).

Be sure that I am reading your comments carefully. I only hope your future comments will be as gramatically sound as this one.
---
3. Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.
4. An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.

-American Heritage Dictionary
----

Regarding race and preferences/fetishes: you obviously need to reread the hat story, because it is applicable to sexual desires in relation to race.

Let's take the white guy, asian girl example.

If you're an asian guy, you will probably react with distaste (as proven in other threads on this forum) - and can easily say, "that white guy has a punk asian fetish". This is not because it is true that only asian girls will sexually arouse the white guy, or that he only goes for asian girls. The use of "fetish" in this case is being used to describe a preference (the white guy has a preference for asian girls), but is looked upon by the asian guys as bad, disgusting, etc. Just because the preference relates to sex does not change it's meaning/usage.

In english, the difference between fetish and preference is the same as that between beat (beat up) and hit. If a little kid got into a fight, you would use either "beat" or "hit" depending on if you sided with kid or not. If you approve of the sexual relationship, you would use "preference". If you did not, you would use "fetish". You can see it even in your previous posts about "pissing fetishes".

I never mentioned "social status", let alone ever use the word "dating". I only talked about "social acceptance", which is vital to the debate about determining if it's a preference or a fetish.

[Sugar&Spice]

Don't insult my grammer, I can speak very well thank you. Also I would not insult myself farther by reading the hat example. But what I do see, is that you like to play on words alot. You said people who like to WEAR yellow hats, as opossed to those who WEAR purple hats. There was nothing that refered to any sexual tendences whatsoever. So once again my intelligence is being insulted.

Social apperance, is still a statis quota, it is what is acceptable to people in everyday sociity. I never made mention of any such thing.


You succeeded in proving my point. when you chose to post up the difinations. A fixation, an abnormaly obsessive, peroccupation, or attachment. This is what I'm talking about when I speak of a fetish. I'm not talking about, what others see, but rather I'm pin-pointing individuals who have an abnormal fixation on a certain race. I"am surprised you did not get that.


Now let me give you an example, sense you mentioned white/asian relationships. A white man will desire an asian woman because he feels she is exotic, and gose for her based upon whatever idea he has in his head, of what being with an asian woman would be like. That is unhealthy, because it is not based on reality, but rather it is based on a pre-concieved idea, of a person, based on their race, and thus gives sexual arousel. Understand?! I hope so.

[judes]

Sugar&Spice, Kendo has right to post whatever opinions he wants in these threads, and you have a right to respond to them. what kendo was trying to do with the hat example was to use it as a basic metaphor for fetishes. he tried to respond to your original question, and because you disagree with him you think he's trying to insult your intelligence? that's a weird leap in logic and i'm completely baffled by this.

kendo makes valid points regarding the distinction between fetish and preference, which is what you were trying to debate in the first place.

fetish and preference are words. fetish like people have said, is given a negative connotation as something "wrong" or something "inapprorpriate" or "an abnormal fixation" as it is said in the definition. you see something as wrong and therefore you call it a fetish, but other people may not. perhaps someone who has a sexual foot fetish does not see it as a fetish but as his normal way of life, a preference or maybe he does see it as a fetish and as an abnormality that he indulges in.

i believe that's what kendo is trying to say: it all depends on your point of view. a preference can be a fetish to certain people and a fetish can be a preference to others. your white/asian relationship example is your example of your distinction between fetish/preference, and now other people can take a turn in talking about what distinguishes fetish/preference to them.

and honestly, if you don't want people to insult your intelligence or your grammar or nitpick at any of those things, then don't make those kinds of errors. we all like to believe that in debate it is your point that is the most important and not how you express it, but it's not true. it's the whole package that counts, spelling, grammar, way of expression, word usage and connotations. if you make a grammar error here or there, nobody's going to leap on you, but if your errors impede in the understanding of your meaning or if your spelling is flawed, nobody is going to take you seriously because you don't present your argument seriously.

[Sugar&Spice]

Sugar&Spice, Kendo has right to post whatever opinions he wants in these threads, and you have a right to respond to them. what kendo was trying to do with the hat example was to use it as a basic metaphor for fetishes. he tried to respond to your original question, and because you disagree with him you think he's trying to insult your intelligence? that's a weird leap in logic and i'm completely baffled by this.
kendo makes valid points regarding the distinction between fetish and preference, which is what you were trying to debate in the first place.
fetish and preference are words. fetish like people have said, is given a negative connotation as something "wrong" or something "inapprorpriate" or "an abnormal fixation" as it is said in the definition. you see something as wrong and therefore you call it a fetish, but other people may not. perhaps someone who has a sexual foot fetish does not see it as a fetish but as his normal way of life, a preference or maybe he does see it as a fetish and as an abnormality that he indulges in.
i believe that's what kendo is trying to say: it all depends on your point of view. a preference can be a fetish to certain people and a fetish can be a preference to others. your white/asian relationship example is your example of your distinction between fetish/preference, and now other people can take a turn in talking about what distinguishes fetish/preference to them.
and honestly, if you don't want people to insult your intelligence or your grammar or nitpick at any of those things, then don't make those kinds of errors. we all like to believe that in debate it is your point that is the most important and not how you express it, but it's not true. it's the whole package that counts, spelling, grammar, way of expression, word usage and connotations. if you make a grammar error here or there, nobody's going to leap on you, but if your errors impede in the understanding of your meaning or if your spelling is flawed, nobody is going to take you seriously because you don't present your argument seriously.

First of all, I already know that he has a right to use any example he feels like using. Yet and still he was being condecending to a certain degree. If you don't get what I'm saying, then theres really nothing I can do about that. But I'm not going to argue that with you, because you have no idea what I see when I read people post. I have the right to take it the way I see it.


Also my grammer is not so bad that people cannot undderstand me. I have seen worse grammer in post, then mine. I have seen some errors in a few of your posts as well. But I have not said anything about that. It is easy for someone to point out errors and say,"Oh taht person can't be taken seriously. But I don't respect people who do that, because to me they are taking the easy way out by nit-picking flaws. Because they themselves really have nothing else to add to the topic. So they will, jump in the debate to argue who sounds ultra-intelligent and who dosen't. to me people like this should not be taken seriously.


I understand what he was saying. But I disagree with it. I already gave my interpetation of it. And if people don't understand that, then I feel sorry for their lack of understanding. But its not for me to educate anyone.



Also, I never argued the difference between a preference and a fetish. I said when dose a preference BECOME a fetish. Meaning when dose a healthy view of a person, or their race, cross the line and become something, abnormal, or disurbing. Not what others who do not have the perference/fetish feel about a certain persons choice. I'm talking about a certain view, how someone precieves a person, and when the line of normal thinking has become something else. Now I wonder if anyone here can understand what I just wrote, because it seems that people are all of a sudden having a hard time understanding english.



Also, whether someone takes me seriously or not is really not a concern of mine, when dealing with people over the internet. If I find that some want to act high and mighty, and just be plain avasive, and condecending. I just ignore them. So people saying, that they don't take me seriously, is not going to make me or break me. I'll let that be a problem for someone who actually cares about things like that.

[KendoTiger]

[QUOTE=Sugar&Spice;690182] I said when dose a preference BECOME a fetish. Meaning when dose a healthy view of a person, or their race, cross the line and become something, abnormal, or disurbing. ... I'm talking about a certain view, how someone precieves a person, and when the line of normal thinking has become something else. [QUOTE]

Sugar&Spice - you were condenscending/defensive in the last post, but it really doesn't matter. Back to your point of view:

So you're basically saying that when does an interest become an obsession? This seems more in line with what you were saying (sorry if I still don't have the point exactly right). Based on definitions of preferences and fetishes, there is no way that a preference can "become" a fetish - they are the same thing, just with different connotations (connotations are from speaker's point of view). It is possible for a person's interest (preference), sexually speaking, to become an obsession - so it would make sense to ask when a preference becomes an obsession.

Yet this is also seemingly up to an outside point of view? Hm. Unless it interfered with normal activities, wouldn't it be up to the person with the obsession? This gets too similar to addiction and sanity issues, so I'll have to rethink how to respond later.