Which Is Worse?! Mental or Physical Abuse?!

[Sugar&Spice]

I did a serch, and could not find a thread like this so I decided to go ahead and see what everyones view is on this.

So many women go through mental abuse everyday, I was watching a documentry on it, not too long ago. And alot of women said, that they did not get out of their abusive relationship sooner because the abuse was not physical. Only after the abuse was phsyical, did they consider leaving.

This is what alot of people think, they think that mental abuse is not as bad as phsyical. But I tend to think differently. I think that with physical abuse, the wounds heal, and you can get out of the situation, quickly before any other abuse occurs. But with mental abuse, even when you leave, the mental scars stay with you.

I have seen people who have lost all confidence in themselves after coming out of a mentally abusive relationship. And it takes years to get out of that kind of mind frame. But still people argue that, it is physical abuse that is more dangerous. What do you think?!1 Which is worse in your viewpoint?! Physical, or mental abuse?!

[princessKitty]

In my opinion, I say mental abuse is worser than physical. You can have all the cuts and bruises in the world but if you are mentally postive, then life is worth living. But if you are mentally hurt, then this would have an affect on your general behaviour. You can have the most pretty face in the world but if you are mentally unhappy, it can lead to frustration and unhappiness.

Some people's mentality can be adjusted or damaged by the things that has happened to them or by the things that they see around the world. War, famine, poverty, wickedness can lead one to think why? It can sometimes change their behaviour and change their attitude on how they view the world. It can make them become rebillious and anti-social.

How about a criminal, why do they commit crime? No-one was born to kill. Generally, I think they have been affected mentally. Maybe had a hardtime during childhood, lost a family member, abused. I think it's quite unlikely that a person simply has some kind of 'trigger' inside them telling them to kill. I believe it has something to do with their mentalilty and their past history.
Or if a woman was raped, this will most definitely affect mental thinking. It can even lead to suicidal act or some kind of self harm.

Physical on the other hand does not have a big affect on a person. However, someone can be affected mentally by physical abuse. Physical eventually will lead to mental. But literally speaking, physical abuse can cause a person little harm but physically it won't do much damage apart from maybe a broken finger or a bruised face.

Mental abuse stays forever, physical is only temporary. No matter how much you want to change and no matter how hard you try to forget, somewhere in the back of your mind is something that affects your thinking and behaviour.
So yeah, mental abuse is worser than physical.

[gifted1]

... Physical Abuse is bad as well, there is no "WHICH IS WORSE?" - because you never know what happens and you never know what Physical or Mental Abuse the person is doing to you.

Rape - You're going to say Mental Abuse is worse? Let's talk about Rape, which is a popular physical abuse - now now, don't tell me this is a MENTAL ABUSE, I can understand there's some Mental stuff when you get raped, but still, it is very physical.

And tell me, no one or almost no one admitted to a rape - why? It's because we're all scared and terrified of what happened and how and this and that. No one ever talked about their "rape situations" unless they're brave enough. So you're still going to say Mental Abuse is worse?

Temporary or Permanent? - A rape is a scar. You can never erase it or however, you might take it as temporary, but it is permanent for me. I can't see how people can forget a rape like "tra-la-la-la-la" - no. Especially if you're virgin and some drunk ugly man just rapes you in the street after dark, what would you do? FORGET IT AND SAY: "It's just a phase, it's diao." ... okay then, great for you, two girls I know has been into rapes and I have saved one from being raped, you can't imagine how bad it is.

Physical can be Mental too? - Yes, some mental abuse is MENTAL only, but some physical abuse leads to mental as well.

Anyways... it's up to you to decide. PHYSICAL > MENTAL.

[Sugar&Spice]

... Physical Abuse is bad as well, there is no "WHICH IS WORSE?" - because you never know what happens and you never know what Physical or Mental Abuse the person is doing to you.


I agree with you on that one. But I'm just asking, for everyones opinion in which is worse. I'm not stating for a fact which is worse, because it can be hard to pinpoint that. But everyones opinions differ, and I want to see what they are. BTW I like your opinions, on this thread.


Quote:
Rape - You're going to say Mental Abuse is worse? Let's talk about Rape, which is a popular physical abuse - now now, don't tell me this is a MENTAL ABUSE, I can understand there's some Mental stuff when you get raped, but still, it is very physical.


Sugar&Spice

I have to disagree with you on this one. Rape is physical for only the moment. The rest is strictly mental. I went to classes to hear about those who have been raped. Once raped the victims have a hard time trusting anyone, exspecially men. And some feel they are flawed and will always be dirty because of what happened to them. That is all mental. It carries a scar all right, but it is a mental scar. the rape is over, but the mental state stays.


Quote:
And tell me, no one or almost no one admitted to a rape - why? It's because we're all scared and terrified of what happened and how and this and that. No one ever talked about their "rape situations" unless they're brave enough. So you're still going to say Mental Abuse is worse?


Sugar&Spice:
Yeah, I don't disagree with the fact that the victims are afraid to talk about it because of what happened. But I have spoken to alot of rape victims, and they said that the reason that they were scared to speak about what happened. Was because they did not want to re-live the worst night in their life. Some even said that the initial rape, was not as bad as the mental anguish they went through, while being raped.



Quote:
Temporary or Permanent? - A rape is a scar. You can never erase it or however, you might take it as temporary, but it is permanent for me. I can't see how people can forget a rape like "tra-la-la-la-la" - no. Especially if you're virgin and some drunk ugly man just rapes you in the street after dark, what would you do? FORGET IT AND SAY: "It's just a phase, it's diao." ... okay then, great for you, two girls I know has been into rapes and I have saved one from being raped, you can't imagine how bad it is.


Sugar&Spice:
And why do you think that the scars last so long?! Surely they are not running around with the same bruises as the day they were raped. No they where scared mentally.



Quote:
Physical can be Mental too? - Yes, some mental abuse is MENTAL only, but some physical abuse leads to mental as well.


Sugar&Spice:
I agree with you on this point. The kind of abuse that I was reffering to was the abuse experienced when in a relationship. Because the rape aspect, is a totally different topic in itself. Because so many people feel differently about it. Its a good topic none-the-less, but its slightly different from the abuse suffered in a relationship.


Quote:
Anyways... it's up to you to decide. PHYSICAL > MENTAL.


Sugar&Spice:
Actually there is no way to decide, because there are so many different viewpoints. But in my opinion, mental is worser. But I'm really just finding out, and discussing everyones viewpoint. Not saying one is right and the other is wrong. Just finding out why people think one is worser then the other, and how they came to that conclusion. Thank you both for your well thought out, posts. Keep em coming!!:D

I realisedd I used the quote wrong. So everyone please forgive me!!:D

[gifted1]

It's all cool, but the topic is kinda confusing... I mean, there's no "worse" ... but this is a good conversation and good question... it's so hard to think which is worse... but I know Mental is now worse than Physical, but sometimes Physical is worse than Mental!

[orangeman]

On the issue of rape, the physical effects do go away. Most people still live life, but are either fearful,ashamed,angry,depressed,moody. Mentally, it's disturbing for both men and women. So on rape, mental>physical.

I would go with mental because it just lurks in your head forever. The physical abuse will go away eventualy. But it also depends on the degree of abuse and personality of a person. Some people deal better with physical abuse, but suffer mentally, and vice versa.

[beyOnd aLL reasOn]

There isn't a way to measure "abuse". No scale to determine when to leave and how to retaliate. The ultimate measure of the impact of abuse depends on the individual.

Physical abuse can scar the body and in the worst cases, kill, but mental abuse scars the mind. We don't necessarily need function of our legs to live, but we do need a reasonable mind to have a functional life.

[Sugar&Spice]

I like the point that beyOnd aLL reasOn brought out. We need the function of our minds in order to survive. If that is taken away from us, then the will to survive will be diminished. So mental abuse, is really something that should be feared more(in my opinion) then physical abuse. In a relationship setting, people should leave when mental abuse starts. Instead of waiting for t to get physical before leaving. Some men, won't touch a women in the sense of abuse, because most of the abusers, say that if you break them down mentally, then the battle is won. Not to just get on men, because there have been women who mentally abuse men. It can drive a person insane, mental abuse is a deadly kind of abuse.

Thank You everyone for replying.:D

[princessKitty]

... Physical Abuse is bad as well, there is no "WHICH IS WORSE?" - because you never know what happens and you never know what Physical or Mental Abuse the person is doing to you.

I respect your opinion on whether you think physical or mental abuse is worser =) but reading the last sentence, I don't quite understand.

Rape - You're going to say Mental Abuse is worse? Let's talk about Rape, which is a popular physical abuse - now now, don't tell me this is a MENTAL ABUSE, I can understand there's some Mental stuff when you get raped, but still, it is very physical.

Yes, literally speaking, it is very physical but if we were to balence out which would be worser, which is what this thread is about, in my opinion, mental would pull down the scales. I understand how it can affect a person physically but the mental effect it has would cause them to either change their behaviour towards people or change their personality forever

And tell me, no one or almost no one admitted to a rape - why? It's because we're all scared and terrified of what happened and how and this and that. No one ever talked about their "rape situations" unless they're brave enough.

So for a person not being able to speak out, has it got to do with mental or physical? I think they are afraid to speak out not neccassarily because they have been physically been affected but because there mental thinking has.

Temporary or Permanent? - A rape is a scar. You can never erase it or however, you might take it as temporary, but it is permanent for me.

Yes, a scar literally speaking is pernament, it will always be there, it will never go away. But the pain was only temporary, the scar is just there. But if a person was to look at it, then this would have an affect on their mental thinking, they would think back on what happened and think why?

but I know Mental is now worse than Physical, but sometimes Physical is worse than Mental!
:?

When I was thinking about which is worse, I thought about the long term affects both has. Physical is temporary but mental is forever. But I do agree on the point on how it depends on the individual. Whether they choose to forget then that's down to them.

[twilighthush]

As someone who has been raped, twice, in her lifetime at the ages of 14 and 15, I'd like to state as diplomatically as possible, that gifted1 has no idea what he is talking about. At all. In fact, everything he said was incorrect, and no, this is not up for debate.

While the violation is one that is physical, it is the mental breakdown that is so debilitating. The act of rape is nothing more than intercourse, albeit nonconsensual intercourse that can be, at times violent.

But what occurs during a rape is very different.

The victim feels as though s/he has lot all power, and feels dirty and violated and rather helpless. Quite often s/he blames him/herself for the act, which is the number one reason why victims do not come forward. The majority of the time why a victim does not come forward is not because of the trauma of the incident, but because of the psychological repercussions that occur which include:

1. Blame/guilt (as mentioned above)
2. Fear of how others will perceive him/her
3. Fear of being treated differently
4. A desire to leave it in the past and move on/psychological displacement
5. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

By the way, I know MANY rape victims who have spoken about their rape. And I'm one of them. So don't say "no one" talks about their rape. More people do than you realize. Just not everyone prosecutes their rapist for reasons listed above.

While the act of rape is physical, it is the mental repercussions that scar you so much. And as someone who has not just been raped, molested, but also physically abused I will tell you this: Physical abuse (excluding rape) only truly occurs if the victim believe s/he deserves it or allows it to perpetuate. This is a mental state of mind.

For a good portion of my lifetime I was subjected to physical abuse that was so debilitating I made three suicide attempts. But the mind is a powerful thing. When I decided I no longer was going to allow myself to be subjected and abused and finally fought back, that was when the mental abuse ceased because I refused to accept it.

As for moving on past a rape, everyone is different. I blocked it out almost immediately as a psychological defense mechanism and never really thought about it or got emo about it or anything at all. I just accepted that it was something that happened to me and tried not to focus on it or I knew it would kill me quite literally. Also during that time, I was rather bipolar so maybe that might've helped save my life -- must've been in a manic phase that helped me ignore it.

Though, it must be noted -- any man who tries so much to accost me will be the victim of a rather violent reaction. This occurred a few months ago on the train, when a drunken man tried to rub his shit all over me and I punched him squarely for doing so.

[Sugar&Spice]

I just want to say twilighthush, that you are a very brave, and strong girl. I'm glad that you made it through those tough times, and became a proud, woman who won't take anyones crap!!:D

[twilighthush]

^ Thank you. I think it's why I'm LQP hahaha... ^^ Though honestly I don't really think about the bad things in the past unless I have to. I look forward to the good things in the future.

[KendoTiger]

Hm, I've been beaten and yelled at for pretty much every day that I can remember. Well, at least since I was a toddler. Before that, my mother just yelled at my father (he was pretty much drunk for my childhood). Er, so I can't say that either is good, but since they've always been together... hm, hard to separate.

Well, for me, it's probably mental abuse is worse - because I'm strong enough to stop my mother from hitting me with anything. *shrugs*

[shez]

i think that mental abuse will hurt more in the long run. physical abuse though it will hurt etc... in my opinion isn't as bad as mental abuse

[Sugar&Spice]

So I guess mental abuse wins out here, huh guys?! The mistake people make is,"If its not physical, then its not abuse." Well, they can take that saying and shove it. Because my view is, if it's not physical, its worse."

[venetta]

I do not think there is any comparison between the two.
Both are bad.
Both are traumatic.
Both are supposed to be avoided.
A person is not a human if they are ever inflict that kind of abuse on anyone especially their own blood and flesh.
There is no excuse to ever justify the act.

[kg21]

I would have to say mental abuse is worse, its harder, sometimes impossible to recover from. Both are horrible and physical abuse usually has a negative mental affect though.

[whozthat]

after reading what twilighthush said, i think that physical abuse is worse. i know it seems weird cos no one has the same mindset as me. but physical abuse can and always lead to problems brought to the mental state. the fear of rejection that arises, the loss of self confidence etc etc etc. mental abuse may bring harm in the long run, but physical abuse that leads to further mental degradation is simply worse.

[kirasuran]

hmm...well...giving an answer straight off without too much thought, i would say mental is worse...because physical wounds will always heal...

but once i read some of your reponses....i guess physical is actually worse? cos yeh as you guys said...it actually leads to mental problems....so therefore after that, i think mental abuse is worse.

[jays.spree]

i think that mental abuse is worse than physical abuse..
mental abuse is the pain which stays forever.
physical is just pain for an instance
it will naturally heal.
while mental, it will always stay in ur mind heart soul..
while physical is just your body.

but somehow i think physical is worse..
cos physical often leads to mental illness
maybe you are often bullied by people causing mental illness
so physical is the cause while mental is the effect in this case

so my conclusion is that. both are worse!
but they can be healed.
physical by medicine
mental by people around you, music and ur will!

[Sugar&Spice]

Your right physical can be healed by medicine. But at times no matter what postive environment you are in, or how many people are around you, the pain of mental abuse still lingers. It is the one who suffered, that is the only one who can heal, internaly themselves. Some people have said that when their family and friends are not around them, that the pain, that they suffer from mentally starts to resurface. Its not so easy to heal mental wounds, as it is physical wounds.

[gifted1]

Apologies, for whatsoever I posted. I'm a guy and I wish I was a girl so I could feel what you're feeling. I think this discussion is seriously done. While having physical abuses, we feel mentally abused as well. And when you get mentally abused, it's only about mental part. =/

I suck at posting.


PS: Physical leads to mental, so mental is the main source of the pain here. Physical abuse is just the part 1 and the beggining of the real deal.

[danny24]

wel i know alot about mental abuse and some physicall abuse as i have had indure alot in my youth and i can tel you mental abuse is the worst physical is bad to but only because it feeds the mental like alot of you say physical is only temporary the scars fade to other peoples eyes but they stay the same in your own
and dealing with al the things in day to day life is hard its hard to stop thinking after a while though i have learned to block out the feelings and the thoughts but when you learn to block them out its even harder to feel anything at al (hope your still following this) example recently a family member died i found it hard to feel anything eventhough i loved that person alot there were no feelings whatsoever no tears no sad thoughts actually no thoughts at al
i dont know if this is making any sence to you guys but its hard to explain
the only thing is i dont know if its a good thing or not i think having no feelings is a good thing it protects you but friends and some family say its not what do you guys and gals think.

but i still think mental abuse is the worst it eats you alive if you dont do anything about it and dont forget the mind controls the body so if the mind is not strong and healthy the body wont be either

[Sugar&Spice]

wel i know alot about mental abuse and some physicall abuse as i have had indure alot in my youth and i can tel you mental abuse is the worst physical is bad to but only because it feeds the mental like alot of you say physical is only temporary the scars fade to other peoples eyes but they stay the same in your own
and dealing with al the things in day to day life is hard its hard to stop thinking after a while though i have learned to block out the feelings and the thoughts but when you learn to block them out its even harder to feel anything at al (hope your still following this) example recently a family member died i found it hard to feel anything eventhough i loved that person alot there were no feelings whatsoever no tears no sad thoughts actually no thoughts at al
i dont know if this is making any sence to you guys but its hard to explain
the only thing is i dont know if its a good thing or not i think having no feelings is a good thing it protects you but friends and some family say its not what do you guys and gals think.
but i still think mental abuse is the worst it eats you alive if you dont do anything about it and dont forget the mind controls the body so if the mind is not strong and healthy the body wont be either

I understand what you are trying to say. Let me target the first thing.

1. I have the same experience as you had. My uncle died, and we were so close. But when he died I found it so hard to cry, it was as if I was numb inside. That is a deeper form of grieving. Holding it in is a deeper pain then if you cried it out. It affects you in such a way, that you find it hard to get in touch with those inner feelings, to be able to cry. People may feel as if we are not hurt by the death of a family member. But the fact is, we are hurting more because we are not crying. Our pain is so deep, that we cannot let them out. So I know what you are going through.

2. Yes it dose feel at times, that it is easier to shut-down your emotions, and not have to feel anything. I never have been physically abused, but I have had alot of hard knocks when it comes to mental and emotional, stress. And at one point I felt the same way, I tried to shut-down my feelings, I thought it would be a protection for me as well. But Then I realized that I was shuting out people who cared about me, and I also felt so empty inside. So I realized that the best thing for me to do, is to try to forget the things that happened to me in the past, as far as mental, and emotional stress, and to pick very carefully the people who are around me. That way I don't have to worry about hiding my feelings, because I know I'm around people who really care about me.

I hope that hepled you. Because when you undergo mental stress/abuse it is damaging. Don't shut-down your feelings, but surround yourself with people who care about you, so that it can be easier for you to heal yourself mentally.

[danny24]

thanks for your reply it does help to hear some nice word and comming from a compete stanger its even beter it gives a little hope in the world because its hard to find people who care about you when people only care about themselfs nowadays and a kind word really lifts me up THANKS but i dont know its hard to just let the feelings out because it still feels like numbness gives me more strength if you know what i mean
it sounds like you know about the numbness stage and have past it so how did it feel for you when you passed that stage(if you dont mind me asking) does your mind still race with thoughts or do you have peace in your head if you know what i mean because when i shut everything out peace rains in my head and when feelings do come out its like a war starts in my mind like the bad thoughts are fighting the good ones and the good ones have a long losing streak and it sounds corny but the only time when i feel good is when im listnig to jays music thats when the good thoughts rain supreme ( seeing that i dont understand him even the sad songs have a happy feel to me )

[Sugar&Spice]

No Danny24 I don't think that it is corny, for you to find comfort in Jays music. It is your comfort zone. We all have to have one, or else we will go completely insane.:D I found my comfort in music when I was upset, or confused. That is the time when you can really let your mind run free, and get in touch with your thoughts.

Yes I did make it past the numb stage. And I don't mind telling you how I felt when I did. To be honest I felt kind of scared. My mind raced with the thoughts, of getting hurt if I let my guard down. And I still have to fight agianst becoming numb. It is a constant struggle Danny24, and you have to build yourself up inside to fight against the feeling. I find myself fighting with wrong thoughts, or tendences, and what I do is force myself to only think about good thoughts. I know it is hard, but it is something that will put you out of the toughest of spots.


We are imperfect so we are going to go through these things, and you mentioned that people only care about themselves nowadays, that is also another reason we become numb. Because we feel as if no ne cares about us. And maybe the people around us give us that feeling. But remember, when the doors are closed, and we are all alone. We are the only ones with ourselves, so that is the only person that matters. We have to learn to really love ourselves, to bond with ourselves. Think to yourself, is staying numb really helping me?! Or am I just a shell of myself?!


Yes feelings hurt. My goodness they can cut deep. But that is the only thing we have that lets us know we are still alive, and that we are still human. We can take the pain and make it our strength. And make ourselves a stronger person. So that when troubles arise we can deal with it without having to hide withn ourselves. It is hard to let your feelings out. It is so cozy to just hide away. But when we do that, we are only killing ourselves inside. You love yourself too much for that don't you?!



Do you have someone that you can talk to who you trust?! The reason I ask, is because that person can be the one you can practce with when you want to let your feelings out little by little. And if you don't, then you can always come on here and talk to me about it. I can help you get through it. Staying numb is like a drug, it may seem nice for the moment, because you feel no pain. But in the long run it will damage you. Hang on Danny24 we can get through this.:D

[judes]

like a lot of people have said here,
physical abuse is a form of both physical AND mental abuse.
i don't think they can be compared. physical abuse is usually accompanied by negative self image and other things.

the person who is closest to me has suffered from mental AND physical abuse for all of his childhood and he's come out of it with a lot of problems. would he be able to choose one that he would rather endure in comparison to the other? no.

so this is kind of a...topic that really has no answer.

i don't think you can say MENTAL ABUSE WINS OUT or PHYSICAL ABUSE IS THE WORSE. it's on an individual basis. some people are physically abused and end up being affected but not to the point where it seriously affects their lives because they learn to move beyond it. while others continue, turning into the abuser so that they wouldn't be the one being abused anymore.

the word abuse has been tossed around too much these days though. i don't think all cases of "abuse" are necessarily abuse, because sometimes that's just the way life is. one person will put down another to make themselves feel better. and how far does childhood discipline go before it's called abuse?

my parents used to spank me with a bamboo rod until i got bruises. this continued til my teen years. is that abuse? i don't think so. my friend's father used to throw him down stairs and has broken almost every bone in his hands over the course of his life and takes all of the opportunities to put him down and to insult his intelligence and his appearance. is that abuse? yes. but when do you draw the line?

[Sugar&Spice]

like a lot of people have said here,
physical abuse is a form of both physical AND mental abuse.
i don't think they can be compared. physical abuse is usually accompanied by negative self image and other things.

the person who is closest to me has suffered from mental AND physical abuse for all of his childhood and he's come out of it with a lot of problems. would he be able to choose one that he would rather endure in comparison to the other? no.

so this is kind of a...topic that really has no answer.

i don't think you can say MENTAL ABUSE WINS OUT or PHYSICAL ABUSE IS THE WORSE. it's on an individual basis. some people are physically abused and end up being affected but not to the point where it seriously affects their lives because they learn to move beyond it. while others continue, turning into the abuser so that they wouldn't be the one being abused anymore.

the word abuse has been tossed around too much these days though. i don't think all cases of "abuse" are necessarily abuse, because sometimes that's just the way life is. one person will put down another to make themselves feel better. and how far does childhood discipline go before it's called abuse?

my parents used to spank me with a bamboo rod until i got bruises. this continued til my teen years. is that abuse? i don't think so. my friend's father used to throw him down stairs and has broken almost every bone in his hands over the course of his life and takes all of the opportunities to put him down and to insult his intelligence and his appearance. is that abuse? yes. but when do you draw the line?

I disagree with some of your comments here. First of all I would like to say, that I'm not looking for some kind of answer here. This is a serious thread, and I was looking for OPINIONS. Not a definate this is worser then that kind of thing. But if you ask me it is Mental abuse that is worser.

I'm not talking about parents disciplining their children in a healthy way. Because as a child I got beatings when I did something really bad. So I'm not going to entertain that thought, because it may just take away from the kind of abuse I'm really talking about.

You ask what is abuse?! You don't think that throwing a kid down the stairs is abuse?! You just said it was. Breaking all of the bones in his body?! That is abuse.

It really suprises me that you would ask were you draw the line. It is obvious, that if you raise your hand to hurt another human being. Example, rape, serious beatings, punching, kicking, pushing down the stairs. That is of course physical absue. Should you knock a person around until he is half dead, before you're clear on whether you should draw the line or no?! I think not, It should be obivious, what kind of abuse I'm talking about. So lets not nit-pick and go into whether it is a normal beating, from your parents or not. Because that is not at all what I'm discussing.

Mental abuse- That should be self explainitory. Anytime someone, constanly tells someone they are worthless, or can't do anything. Or they constantly critize someone on a daily basis. Then that is mental abuse. That causes scars that make it harder to heal, then physical scars. And we are not talking about things people whom you do not know, throwing around senseless comments. No!! What really makes mental abuse hard, is because it is people that is close to you constantly beating you down, and making you feel worthless. People who you are suppossed to trust. Making it harder to possibly trust anyone else again. These things are not so easy to forget.

So if it has never happened to you. It is easy to say,"Youreally can't chose between the two."But for people who have been through it, they can tell you, its mental abuse that is worse. The comments that are on here, are not assumptions, they are from people who have been through it. And no one can tell them how they feel, or argue with them about which one they feel is worse. Because alot of them have said that it is the mental that stayed wth them longer. This thread is not really to be argued over, because it is really based on experience. And no one can tell someone else that they haven't experienced what they have been through. And we can't tell them which is worse, because, it is something that varies from person to person. We are not saying, that our word is law. We are just saying, what we have seen, experienced personally.

So you ask were you draw the line?! That would have to be answered by yourself, and what you consider abuse or not.

[judes]

well i'm trying to express my opinion, Sugar&Spice, and that's exactly what i'm doing. i have enough experience with what you describe as "mental abuse" because i've been put down and insulted and criticized for a lot of my childhood about my weight and my intelligence and my skin color. so before you say that i have no personal experiences, you haven't even heard half of the story. and for me, that kind of mental experience i've had i would NOT call abuse, because it does not stem from a negative desire to hurt but just careless comments that i do not regard as important anymore. but did these comments affect me before? yes. i was once a very depressed child and thought about suicide multiple times. it has changed me into the person i was, but i still maintain that i've had it a lot easier than someone who has mental coupled with physical abuse, which is why i stated that physical is worse because physical abuse is usually combined with mental abuse.

other people can say that there are certain abuses that stem from their experiences, so can i. my relationship with the person that has endured severe physical and mental abuse has given me insight into the kind of person he is because of the experiences he has been through. i've seen firsthand how he deals with situations and how different he reacts from people with "a regular childhood." in fact, i've had this sort of conversation with him, and he himself said that he cannot distinguish the physical abuse from the mental and that it's abuse all the same. so it completes my point exactly: i don't think one is worse than another, and that is my belief, because the two can be so intertwined that it is difficult to distinguish.

don't presume that i wasn't looking for a serious debate here, i was. and i'm questioning where you draw the line between abuse and not abuse. i'm saying that getting spanked by my parents was not abuse, but what about a kid who is locked in a room without dinner? to some that may be a form of abuse, but others, legitimate punishment. i am curious as to where people draw the line when it comes to abuse since it is a word that can mean different things to different people. just because something seems to be abuse to you doesn't necessarily mean it appears to be abuse to me. you say that when someone would raise a hand to another person, well my parents DID raise their hand to me, but you don't call it abuse because you call it "disciplining your children in a healthy way". your definition is kind of contradictory.

when you approach a debate topic, people can bring in their own opinions and their own questions, so don't try to tell me what i can or cannot say in this thread because it's not under your control. i don't understand why you would say "i'm not here to look for a definite answer BUT my own thoughts are..." it doesn't make sense yet again. i'm not here to argue with anyone, just to bring my thoughts to the board like i have the freedom to do. and i have the freedom to bring a viewpoint just like you have the freedom to contradict me.

so yes, i am answering the question for myself, and i'm hoping to hear other people's opinions, but i do have the right to disagree with what someone else has said regardless of whatever their opinions are because i have the right to believe in a different opinion and formulate my own thoughts.

[Sugar&Spice]

well i'm trying to express my opinion, Sugar&Spice, and that's exactly what i'm doing. i have enough experience with what you describe as "mental abuse" because i've been put down and insulted and criticized for a lot of my childhood about my weight and my intelligence and my skin color. so before you say that i have no personal experiences, you haven't even heard half of the story. and for me, that kind of mental experience i've had i would NOT call abuse, because it does not stem from a negative desire to hurt but just careless comments that i do not regard as important anymore. but did these comments affect me before? yes. i was once a very depressed child and thought about suicide multiple times. it has changed me into the person i was, but i still maintain that i've had it a lot easier than someone who has mental coupled with physical abuse, which is why i stated that physical is worse because physical abuse is usually combined with mental abuse.

other people can say that there are certain abuses that stem from their experiences, so can i. my relationship with the person that has endured severe physical and mental abuse has given me insight into the kind of person he is because of the experiences he has been through. i've seen firsthand how he deals with situations and how different he reacts from people with "a regular childhood." in fact, i've had this sort of conversation with him, and he himself said that he cannot distinguish the physical abuse from the mental and that it's abuse all the same. so it completes my point exactly: i don't think one is worse than another, and that is my belief, because the two can be so intertwined that it is difficult to distinguish.

don't presume that i wasn't looking for a serious debate here, i was. and i'm questioning where you draw the line between abuse and not abuse. i'm saying that getting spanked by my parents was not abuse, but what about a kid who is locked in a room without dinner? to some that may be a form of abuse, but others, legitimate punishment. i am curious as to where people draw the line when it comes to abuse since it is a word that can mean different things to different people. just because something seems to be abuse to you doesn't necessarily mean it appears to be abuse to me. you say that when someone would raise a hand to another person, well my parents DID raise their hand to me, but you don't call it abuse because you call it "disciplining your children in a healthy way". your definition is kind of contradictory.

when you approach a debate topic, people can bring in their own opinions and their own questions, so don't try to tell me what i can or cannot say in this thread because it's not under your control. i don't understand why you would say "i'm not here to look for a definite answer BUT my own thoughts are..." it doesn't make sense yet again. i'm not here to argue with anyone, just to bring my thoughts to the board like i have the freedom to do. and i have the freedom to bring a viewpoint just like you have the freedom to contradict me.

so yes, i am answering the question for myself, and i'm hoping to hear other people's opinions, but i do have the right to disagree with what someone else has said regardless of whatever their opinions are because i have the right to believe in a different opinion and formulate my own thoughts.

First of all what is your problem?! You are the only one contridicting themselves on this thread. You say you don't want to argue, but then you get right on here and reply in a very rude way to me. I don't think you get what I was saying, so let me clarify what I was saying.

1. I never said that you did not have any experience in the situatioon. This was your assumption on my statement. My use of YOU meant in a general way. You chose to look at it as a coment towards yourself. So don't you DARE insult me by putting words into my mouth.

2. You show me where I said that you cannot express your opinion, on this thread. I never told you what to say either. Again that was another assumption on your part. I stated my intentions on creating this thread. You mentioned that there was no answer, and I said,"THIS IS AN OPINION THREAD, I DIDN'T MAKE IT TO BE ARGUED OVER. Meaning I'm not looking for an answer, to argue over. But I just wanted opinions. So where are you coming from, with the whole,"Don't tell me what to say.' Things.

3. I never said that I was in charge of this site, or whatever unnessary comment you made about me being in charge. Why do you think that I want to be in charge?! Do you have some kind of personal problem, that would make you speak out of terms like that?! I don't know who youu are talking to, but you are not talking to a child, so don't you dare scold me. Expecially when you only assumed these things. The things you thought that I said, was misunderstood. It seems like you read into things a little too much for me.

4. You stated that it vaires. I have already said that, it can affect your friend one way, and someone else differently. And if you read the other statements, alot of the others who have been through it. Have been able to pin-point which one is worse. So I don't know what your getting at here.

5. I did not contridict myself when I said discipline is not abuse. Nrmal discipline is fine. But when I mentioned lifting your hands towards someone else. I mentioned some examples. Its not my fault that you got it mixed up, with parents beating their children in a normal setting. I got beatings too, and it was normal. And I was never talking about that aspect anyway.

6. If you want me to talk to you with respect, then I advise you talk to me with some as well. You went off on me in that post, and there really was not a reason for it. I cannot control what you say, nor do I want to. But if you are addressing me, you will do it with respcet, or else I will talk to you in the same manner.

7. I cannot help but see that this must be a personal reason for your attack, if it is not, then I think it is a shame to assume things. Once again I have no intrest in running things. But I too can express myself. If you want to reply back to me, I hope it is in a decent way. If not, I'm not going to go back and forth with you in a heated argument, because that is not what I intended for this thread. Also I never said you were not serious about the thread, once again this is another, assumption of yours.

[judes]

thanks for taking my response on an internet forum and taking it way overboard.

if you must respond to many people's responses in these threads as a personal attack and insult against you, then fine, but i'm tired of seeing you argue and attempting to tell people that "this is an opinion thread and not to be argued over". no one is trying to argue but you seem to want to view everyone as against you in multiple threads. nobody made you the police of those people who have opinions, because as i've noticed, you are the only person jumping to their defense. it's their own personal experiences, right? they don't need you to defend them and if they had a problem, they would defend themselves.

i'm tired of you trying to leap on everyone and making the debate forum a very emotional and being generally a pain for me. i have received a few complaints about the way you have behaved in this forum. so this thread is closed. i'm tired of dealing with this.