[September Debate] Interracial Relationships (Stereotypes, Media, Culture)

[judes]

This is the trial version of a "debate of the month" where a universal and always ongoing or a current newsworthy issue will be noted for a month (the topic will be posted about a week or so before the start of the month so when we actually hit the month there will be a chance for people to think about the topic and put forth some good opinions, but even if it's not September, c'mon in and let your ideas be heard).

In most of the other forums I know, this discussion is usually filled with Asian boys whining about how they're losing "their" Asian girls to Caucasian men, and there will be some stereotypes thrown around such as Caucasian men are only interested in Asian women for their "exoticness" and their "submissiveness". Then someone will definitely post the Yellow Fever video, which in my opinion is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen in my life. Of course we're not focusing just on asian female / white male relationships here, we also want to talk about the lack of asian male / white female relationships, the rarity of black female / asian male relationships, and the questions of racism, racial identity, and culture that can be discussed in a topic that is becoming more prevalent in today's world.

I'm really hoping that since on JCNET we have some wonderful debaters and people who love to discuss their thoughts and challenge their personal beliefs, and I want us to be mature about talking about this instead of individual attacks and everybody taking everything personally.

Here are some questions you might want to attempt to answer:
What do you think of interracial relationships in general? Would you ever be in a relationship with someone of a different race? Do you prefer to be with someone of your own race? Why? Which are the races that you or your family would be opposed to dating? Why?

Why do you think Asian females are shown as submissive, meek women who follow their husbands around or as exotic sex slaves? Do you think most Caucasian men view women this way? Do you think non Asian men objectify Asian females? Do you think Asian women should not date non Asian men because of this?

Do you think the media in Western society portray Asian men and women in a negative light? Why do you think this is? What do you think is the influence of Japanese pornography on the portrayl of Asian women? How can we expect non-Asian men to treat Asian women with respect and not as objects when men in Asian countries appear to do it to their women all the time?

Think. Ask questions. Discuss. Debate.

[ShuiMei]

Ooh! This is one of my favourite discussion topics.

On the subject of interracial relationships in general I have no problems whatsoever, I am personally open to the possibility of engaging in a relationship with someone who was of a different race; however, it is my personal preference that I be with someone of the same race, namely for cultural reasons. I simply find it easier to relate with someone who grew up in the same kind of cultural/social environment as I did as a Canadian-born Chinese, it's easier for me to relate to other Canadian-born Asians than it is for me to relate to non-Asians.

At the same time, it doesn't mean that just because someone is Asian I'll be more open to the idea of engaging in relations with the individual, an overseas-born Chinese, for example, is not someone I can relate to very well. My preference of Canadian-born Asians is simply due to growing up in a primarily non-Asian, Caucasian community for the past few years of my life, and finding it difficult to relate to them on certain levels, and in turn, difficult for them to relate to me. People often like having partners that share common interests, which I think most people find understandable, finding someone who shares a common background makes just as much sense.

Now aside from personal preferences and on to the discussion at hand, I think Asian females are shown as submissive, meek women who follow their husbands around because for a long time, and even today, that's still the ideal image of Asian women in Asia, and this has simply transferred from one part of the world to the other, and so western media has eaten it up. I don't know how many times my mother has told me to "act more like a girl" when I've been loud or lashed out with my sharp tongue. I think most Asian females can relate to this, the idea of being a "good Asian girl" is not only a product of the media, but a product of our culture as well.

"Be good. Be quiet. Sit still. Do what your told. Don't talk back. Know your place" such things are the characteristics of the good Asian girl, what I affectionately refer to as "GAG syndrome." These ideals are reinforced by the media and inforced by our society, we've been told to act a certain way since birth, even if it went against our "nature." This isn't something that's specific to Asian culture or society, western women have faced the same obstacles in the past, and only now in the past few decades have more aggresive, strong-willed, strong-minded females become socially acceptable, though of course there's still people who hold the archiac view of women being good, quiet, and submissive as ideal.

Do I think most Caucasian men view women this way? No. Do I think they can be affected by the stereotypes the media reinforces? Yes. Ultimately, what will form the opinions of Asian women in the minds of men (in general) will be the experiences they have with them, with that, there is a good possibility that they may believe Asian females to be meek and submissive, as it is often the way the media portrays them and it is the way we've been told to behave since a young age. I don't think Asian women are the only victims to objectification by non-Asian men, non-Asian women are just as likely to be objectified. Essentially it all falls on the individual, as soon as a guy calls me "exotic" there are warning bells going off in my head and my first reaction is to run.

The media is western society is absolute bullshit when it comes to portraying Asian men and women. Asian men are either nerds, gangsters or kung-fu fighters and are hardly ever portrayed in a positive, sexually-appealing light. They're also notorious wife-beaters who apparently cannot keep a woman from the hands of white men. I don't buy the Asian male argument that the white guys are "stealing all their women away" but what Asian men need to look at is what it is about the non-Asian men that attracts Asian women. For myself personally, my own experiences with Asian men vs. non-Asian is that non-Asian men are much more straight-forward and more confident, they're more relaxed while Asian men tend to be more shy, less straight-forward, and as 'Yellow Fever' points out, lack confidence. Of course I'm generalizing here and making examples of my own personal experiences, so guys please don't bite my head off.

I don't think the problem with non-Asian men and Asian men treating Asian women as object really lies in their hands, certainly they play a certain role, but it's essential, as Asian women we have to stand up for ourselves and not take any of their shit. Growing up, I was a good, quiet little Asian girl but I got sick and tired of it and became more outspoken. There's no reason for any woman of any ethnic background to accept anyone's disrespect, demand better.

[judes]

Thanks for your well thought out answer, ShuiMei. It was what I was looking for.

Hmm. I don't see there is anything wrong with personal preferences, as long as you're not entirely excluding one race because you think they are inferior. The problem is, we all have racial biases and concepts ingrained in our minds depending on how we were raised. So perhaps if we were exposed to only, let's say, hispanic people at a young age, we'll grow up thinking hispanic people are the most attractive. Or maybe even though you are a hispanic person, you meet someone who is indian who you find really attractive, you'll "prefer" to date men who you are more attracted to. But what defines this attraction? It's such a complex combination of environment, of perhaps personal interactions, and it's so difficult to tell. Can you call someone "racist" for thinking Asian women are the most beautiful people? Can you call someone else "racist" for thinking that Caucasian men are the most gorgeous men on earth?

I would love to date an Asian man. I would love to be in a relationship with one and introduce him to my parents so they can talk in mandarin and they can have a great relationship. But unfortunately life didn't turn out that way, and too bad personal preference doesn't exactly dictate all of the criteria of how to love someone. But unlike you though, my circle is mainly with Caucasians, a few Indians, and a few Asians. I guess what I find my problem is, I can't relate to Caucasians regarding certain things, and I can't relate to western born Asians regarding certain things, and I can't relate to overseas born Asians regarding certain things. I'm such a combination of all of those three groups that I don't fit in any of them, maybe that's the price of being an immigrant.

I've had experiences with the concept of a "good Asian girl" as well. It's a struggle growing up in Western society with parents of traditional Asian thought, because there are so many rules that our parents grew up with about how a "man" should act and how a "woman" should act. And we're told that Asian parents are always right, we must never speak up against them or do anything they do not like. It's interesting how they appear to give us a "choice" but when it's a "choice" that they do not like, they get upset. Heh I like the idea of a "Gag syndrome", it suits the concept well.

I've experienced the whole exoticism idea and been told that just because I'm Asian I automatically gain points and I'm hot. It's strange to me though that other qualities of mine appeal to Western men but not to Asian men. I was told by an Asian man once that I had too many opinions and that I'm never going to find an Asian boyfriend, and I realized at that moment that perhaps it wasn't such a loss if my choice of Asian boyfriends involved HIM.

Yes, I believe that instead of Asian men taking all of these discussions personally, and thinking that the Caucasian men are stealing the Asian women away, perhaps they need to think about themselves and about what qualities and what aspects of their personalities, mentalities, culture is unattractive to those women. Perhaps instead of whining and complaining and being even more irritating, they should try to improve and to compete with those Caucasian men on a higher level. You don't see Caucasian women complaining about how Asian women are stealing Caucasian men away!

I really dislike the portrayl of Asian men in Western media though. There's such an image of hyper-masculinity in Wester media that Asian men, with their attention to dress and fashion, and their higher sensitivity (sometimes), and their apparent meek, cheap, and nerdy ways, it's a big contrast to the Western ideal and is viewed as negative when those things can be positive qualities as well.

I hope that Asian women will be the ones to take charge and lead in breaking these sorts of stereotypes by being more outspoken, by standing up for herself when she is called "exotic" "submissive", and also by breaking the boundaries set up by her parents about what a "good Asian girl" should act like.

[venetta]

This reminds me of my General Paper in Junior College, but somehow it's more fun to write here than in a class or hall for exam. okay here goes my opinion.

In general, I am very open to interracial relationship and honestly it's not something that we should fought over. I have no problem engaging in a relationship with a man of other race, which I currently am. I am a pure Asian and my boyfriend is an European. We get along very well, of course there are differences in our habits due to the way we both brought up. But I think this will happen in every couple's relationship because they are definitely come from different families with different cultures and habits. Its not really due to the race. The question would you prefer an Asian man or Cauasian man is totally irrelevant because it's impossible to generalize people like that. When you getting to know someone you should look pass their skin or race, and instead concentrate on understanding their personalities. When you finally decided to move forward to a more serious stage of your relationship, you would live with that person's character, personalities and habits, not the colour of his skin surely.

About the portrayal of meek submissive Asian women, i think it only applies to those women who live in a place with strong old beliefs. Because the modern Asian women are nothing like that. In fact, they are the total opposite. Many Asian women that I personally acquinted with, myself included, have totally taken over their lives, sometimes even excluding their parents. They have strong opinions about practically everything and have no hesitation in voicing them out. They are very goal-oriented and high achiever. Of course this is also a generalization since there are many other Asian women who succumb to their fate and destiny and agreeing to every word that their husbands utter. But fortunately their numbers are decreasing.

I have a few Caucasian male friends who do not think Asian women are that way, the way we think we are or how we should be. What they think is that we are very polite in some ways and we are also very open minded. They do think we are "exotic" but not in a negative way. It's the same way they think Spanish women or those Eastern European women exotic. I think they admire us the way we admire them, it's the differences that fascinate them.

As for the portrayal of Asian men in western media, I do not really have any knowledge in it since I live in Asia. Maybe yes, from movies, as far as I see it, there are not much of Asian men portrayals. Asian female, yes.

That's all I have to say. If I said anything wrong or offend anyone, I apologize.

[Sugar&Spice]

My computer has been down for over a month, and I have not been able to indulge in good debates such as this one. So I'm glad I'm in time for this thought provoking thread. Here is my 2 cents,

I have no problem with interracial relationships. As a matter of fact I encourage them. Although my sister thinks for her own reasons(ones that I'm not sure of.) That it is disgusting to date outside of your race. When I say that I encourage interracial relationships, I'm not talking about just white/asian relationships. I'm covering the whole interracial scene.

The only thing that I don't like about intterracial relationships, is all of the statistics behind it. For example, alot of people that I have seen, feel that if they are dating someone white then they have found gold. And alot of the people that I have seen, put emphisis on the fact that the person who they are dating. Is of a color that can open many doors for you. That kind of reasoning leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. If you are attracted to someone of another race, so-be-it. But don't do it because of some kind of statis quoe. Not saying that anyone is guilty of this. I'm just pointing out from experience what I have seen alot of people do.

I like asain men, but not for the reasons that alot of people assume. I don't like them because they are supposed to be good at martial arts, or they are smart, hard workers, or any other silly reasons. I just like how they carry themselves. Thier conservitive, shy manner. Or4 the way they squat down, sometimes instead of sitting all the way down. Not to mention their facial features. Whats so wrong with almond eyes, and yellow skin?! Everyone has their own view of what is attracrive.

There was a question of why asian men/black women are so raely seen. Well I ran into this very question on another thread about a year ago. But it was in poll form. Alot of asian men said that they would approach black women but are intimidated by their strong attitudes. While most Black women felt like asian men where too weak. Being brought up as a black female, women see men to be strong and protective. From experience, being a black female, we are told that black men are strong, so it is natural to want that sense of protection, when looking for a mate. But not all of us feel that way, it's a preference. Also some asian men think that dating a white woman instead of a black woman, gives him better advantages. And some black women feel that way about white guys. So that is why it is so rare to see a asian man/black women relationships. I just don't see white guys as attractive.

I agree with the fact that the media has a big influence on the way a certain race of people are viewed. I believe that the obvious stereotypes were already touched on in earlier posts. But there is another aspect that I want to touch on. The media advertises a way of life that makes people of other races feel as if they have to live up to it. A way of life that white people find to be attractive.A up-scale way of life. I have seen on many occastions where asian men and women as well as people of other races. Surround themselves with only white friends, and try to imitate the way they talk, dress, eat, live etc. And these are the things that the media encourages. No one is really excepted for their own background, or their own way of life based on their culture. Forcing people to look down on anything that is not socially excpetable. Causing people to talk in the vally girl talk, or the up-scale white collar lingo. In my opinion it is a little thing called white-washed. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advertising slang, or ebonics, which is the proper term. Rather I'm saying that people are not excepted for who they are culturely. And it spills right over into relationships, and who is more socially exceptable to date. And before anyone gets me wrong, I have no problem with white people, or any other race. Just stating the things that I have observved.

To answer another question, I think that porn makes any woman look bad. It gives people a bad impressin of women in general, whther she be asian or of another race.

And I have heard that white guys do like asian women because they are submissive, or exotic. They have made those comments. Just like they make the comments about liking Black women because they have soul. Its all hog-wash to me. But thats just my opinion. Feel free to disagree with me.

[bawkbawkchicken]

Interracial relationships are rather rare relationships that break up cultural and ethnical boundaries in the world, and are one step closer to world unity, or at least lack of world hostility. For me, I will probably not be interested in an interracial relationships, and I assume that as the majority of us on this website are of some sort of asn descent, we are all held back by the immense generation gaps and the azn culture of marrying in the same race. Also, for myself I would feel more comfortable with one of my own race, not trying to be racist or anything, but a person with the same ethnicity and cultural background and probably similar grievances abt that would be someone I could relate to, because I would not only find solace, but also complete understanding the next time i ranted on and on abt azn parents :crazy: :wacko: :glug: :rasp: :dry: or sumthing of the sort. Whereas an interracial relationship would be rather intriguing and I would most likely emerge with a refreshing cultural understanding, but the "cozy" feeling of being understood on some levels would most likely not be there. I would not be opposed to having relationships with any specific ethnic/cultural group, but generally my family and I have and will (in my case) probably keep within the "big chinese family":worry: .

Azn females are shown as submissives because that is the stereotype they have played for the past 5000 years in the history of china. Now it is not quite the same, yet the stereotype remains, and the quiet personality and obedient nature has undoubtedly been passed down quietly from mother to daughter, generation to generation. In steps the white man, fascinated by these "exotic creature" :? with their flowing black hair and yellow skin and brown eyes and their demure, refreshing different responses and outlook on life. It has always been this way because women, already universally targeted as the weaker of the two sexes, even after their deliverance into the free world as equals to man, have still been suppressed by the gargantuan weight of their culture and history. Caucasian men mite indeed have feelings for the women in an unique way, as things like this go case-by-case, but his feelings will have been fueled by an exciting interest in the “exotic” department. However, as I said this is a case-by case thing, the women will do whatever they choose, and live the consequence, whether it is good or bad. :wink2: :bleh:

Definitely, the media in Western society portray Asian men and women in a negative light, because the media influences the audiences’ minds and opinions. Japanese pornography is definitely one major factor, but also the movies like Memoirs of a Geisha (no offense to it; I really like this movie) further deepen the Caucasian man’s supposed “understanding” of azn woman. Also, the perpetual domestic treatment of asian wives by their Asian husbands lead Caucasians to think that it is ok to do so, and ok to do so to the point that the Caucasian men themselves do so. :worry: :glug:

[happifruit]

I read through all of the posts above, and although I am not nearly as eloquent as any of you, I'd like to just share some of my thoughts too.

To be honest, I used to find interracial relationships weird, but that was 8 years ago, when I was in the bilingual program and the only people I knew were Chinese. Over the years I've come into more contact with people of different cultures and slowly I've begun to accept them. I think that race shouldn't matter when you're with someone. The most important thing is what you feel for each other, and if you decide to go together then you wouldn't take to heart what the rest of the world thinks.

For myself, I can see myself settling with someone Asian because of the fact that although I was born and raised in a Western country, my parents gave me a very traditional Chinese upbringing and I grew up with Chinese values surrounded by friends who shared the same culture as me. I’m generalizing here, but I like the values that a lot of Asian guys have, how they still really respect their parents and value their families. It baffles me sometimes how it’s a big deal for some Caucasians to go to their grandma’s place on the weekends and how to go out to dinner with the entire family is this huge thing.
However, when it all comes down to it, I see myself settling with an Asian, but it can just as easily be a Caucasian who can relate with me on my values or at least accept them. I'd much rather be in a relationship with a Caucasian who can give me respect than with an Asian who treats me like crap.

Regarding the stereotype that Asian women are submissive and weak, I think it comes from thousands of years of Asian tradition, where a woman's greatest virtue was weakness. I think this stereotype still stands because many parts of Asia to this day still hold onto traditions, and so it's easier to assume that this has been held onto too. Parts of my family still think this way too, and although my sisters and I fight this constantly, like ShuiMei there have also been many many times where my mom would tell me to act more like a girl. However, I think this is changing. Hong Kong is a great example of Asian women who are taking their lives into their own hands, and I think women there in general have some of the highest status in Asia, judging from their careers, capabilities, and the respect that they demand from their other halves.

I don't think that it's just non-Asian men who objectify us. I think many Asians objectify non-Asians too, like how some Asian males feel that they are superior if they date a Caucasian girl. I think Hollywood plays a big part in that, because in all the movies involving Asian females that I've seen, either they are portrayed as hot and sexy (the objectification part) or they are the poor, weak Chinese girl (the submissive part). I have yet to see a Hollywood movie where an Asian woman is portrayed for the strong, opinionated woman that she is.

I do not think, however, that we should stay away from Caucasian men because of this. I think there certainly are Caucasian men who truly think that we are beautiful for the women that we are, and I would much rather be with one that accepts me for my values and gives me the respect that I deserve than an Asian man who doesn't have me for who I am.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. And thanks to judes for the great topic.

[jct8]

I am all for interracial relationships. Because I am more "americanized," I would not mind being in a relationship with a person who is not Asian. However, I would prefer to be in a relationship with a person that is also Chinese because of the cultural barriers... language, religion, etc. I would want him to be able to communicate with my parents and have him understand their values, and mine. However, even though we've come far in the past decades, I've noticed that when I'm with my guy friends of another race, people do tend to stare when they think we are a couple.

[yayableu]

wow! would i have to write long sentences too?? :-)

i was so fortuante to grow up in a very diversed area, so i was always mixed with different races. it never accured to me that dating outside your race was wrong because we're all the same. we all work for food, money and a good life. there is nothing different with us except our skin color, language, and culture. besides that, we are still in need of love, support, and happiness.

i do hate it when they see asain women as sex symbols or prostitutes. that is so stereotyping, but i feel that we must over come that because we are an evolving world. we all need each other now to survive.

i have a white brother in law, 2 acutally. one black sister in law. i feel like it's as normal as it can be. i love people. and i love happiness. i dont think humans should put limits on love and happiness.

[kirasuran]

wow yayableu, that relaly is a cool and diverse family! i would actually love to have such a range of nationalities in my family tree..that would be SO COOL! it just brings in a lot of extra richness and history to your life...something that having a 'normal bloodline' family can never have. actually now that i think of it...my grandpa's brother's daughter is married to a caucasian..they live in america. that's actually QUITE a distant kinda relative cos i had only seen them ONCE before going to the wedding...but they are all great people! yeh...thats the most expereince i have!

i think that interracial relationships relaly dont pose any problems. i mean, it's love and if you love that person and they love you back, whats to stop you ?of course unless there is religious and cultural diferences eg your family wont let you marry someone who is not of the same race....well that would suck, but that's what breaking out of the boundaries is for. love should not be withheld within races. as long as there is the love, there is no problem!

well..im here to announce that me and paopao (love you honey!) are a couple, yes, go visit the SA lounge and you'll see! so there, we are completely and utterly in love, me being chinese and her being white/venezuelan. GO US!!! we're gonna get married some day!

[stag]

hmmmm, i guess i'll have to play devil's advocate, note that this is jut for discussion, please don't judge me based solely on this post

one of the of problems with interacial relationships is that the children end up having an identity crisis when growing up. the formation of one's identity is strongly associated with one's ethnic identity. however if one was of mixed descent, such as black/white, would have a hard time not only finding a sense of self but also finding a place they belong, neither white nor black and at times excluded from both groups where do they belong?

[SilentGriever]

stag - Haha... don't worry, I get what you're saying, and it's cool, because I think I'm going to have to defend that same side that you are semi-defending.

I don't know what the reasoning is, but I don't really enjoy seeing interacial couples. In theory, sure I'm all for it, but in practice it sorta makes me feel weird when I see it. That's not to say that I'm against all the types of interracial relationships, but there's just certain combos, like the asian girl/white guy thing that make me... dunno what... it's not like I'm mad, but it just makes me feel weird. I'll post more alter, but I gotta go to work...

[judes]

stag: and one could also argue that by being raised in an interracial household, they could learn tolerance, respect for different cultural groups, and also get the best of both cultures. every culture has its problems, but by blending them and encouraging sharing of ideas and opinions across the boundaries, that's beneficial for everyone. and besides, why is the idea of belonging to one culture such a great thing? there are pros and cons to each group, and if you could get the best of both worlds, why not?

SilentGriever: i'm assuming you're an asian guy. so my question is: why? if the asian girl and the white guy click, then why not? why does it make you feel uncomfortable? it seems to me that the people who are kicking up the biggest fuss about interracial relationships (especially the white guy / asian girl combo) are asian guys. but the other way around, why is it that asian guys who are dating white girls are paraded as lucky? isn't that a bit hypocritical?

[hk-kc-jc]

I am not against interracial relationships but I would prefer to date boys/men or whatever of my own race because people of your own race are more understanding to your culture.. it just saves time on explaining your whole culture to him...

E.g. We, chinese people, celebrate Chinese New Year and so if i dated an English guy, it would be a bit awkward for him to all of a sudden start celebrating it, because it's VERY rare that english people/white people celebrate it.. BUT in saying that, why do we chinese people celebrate christmas and easter? (even if you're not a christian)... which are stereotypically english festivals...

I have never ever thought or knew that asian women are thought of as being submissive and meek human beings who follow husbands about?! and exotic "sex slaves" .. that is pretty ridiculous..

... well... i hope i'm not sounding too against interracial relationships because i'm not.. hehe.. quite a lot of couples over in England are mixed (mixed race) and black and white babies are actually really cute.. "i hope i'm not sounding racist there!) and so are chinese and english babies.. but then again so are chinese and chinese babies.. haha

[shez]

What do you think of interracial relationships in general? Would you ever be in a relationship with someone of a different race? Do you prefer to be with someone of your own race? Why? Which are the races that you or your family would be opposed to dating? Why?

i think this is more of a 'to each his own' kind of thing and we really can't help who we fall in love with and it's quite offensive to have someone look at you differently just because you're going out with someone of a different race.

i AM in a relationship with someone from a different 'race' to me but i really don't consider it to be weird in any way whatsoever. i understand where people are coming from with the whole 'culture-difference' thing but in my opinion i think it's thrilling to learn about someone else's culture and be proud to teach them about mine too. We living in the 21st century need to adopt other traditions and cultures and to welcome them especially if we're not living in the country that we come from.

i'm not sure that my family are very accepting and that hurts me emotionally a lot. but i guess they're living in a backwards era and eventually need to get.over.it.

Why do you think Asian females are shown as submissive, meek women who follow their husbands around or as exotic sex slaves? Do you think most Caucasian men view women this way? Do you think non Asian men objectify Asian females? Do you think Asian women should not date non Asian men because of this?

exotic sex slaves? i really hope that they do not think of us this way.... ¬__¬" though i do think that asian men think that us women are meant to have kids, stay at home and look after them. they need to get off that pedestal and start accepting that women nowadays are more independent and have a mind of their own. not puppets that they can control with strings.

one of the of problems with interacial relationships is that the children end up having an identity crisis when growing up

aren't ABCs (american born chinese) who grow up in countries like america the same? a mixture of the american identity and the chinese? bringing your child up in more than one culture may shape the child more than if it was brought up in just a single culture. they may turn out to be more accepting towards others.

[stag]

aren't ABCs (american born chinese) who grow up in countries like america the same? a mixture of the american identity and the chinese? bringing your child up in more than one culture may shape the child more than if it was brought up in just a single culture. they may turn out to be more accepting towards others.

not as much, being an ABC myself, the identity crisis that ABC's go through is the idea of whether or not they belong in America because for many asian groups not just the chinese, being american means throwing away your culture and heritage for the american culture

have you ever read "A lesson before dying"?

there's one scene where a group of mullatos (half black half white descent) hang out in a bar and the main character, a black man, notes that they hang out in a black bar because the white bars don't accept them

it's the same concept, either group could choose to exile them, which is why it is so important for people of mixed decent to assert their identity

in response to jubes, it is extremely difficult for a person to maintain two different cultures, being chinese in america is difficult enough, sure you may get the best of both worlds, having jewish and christian parents, but there is also a psychological conflict of knowing that they are different from their friends and family members who aren't mixed

[judes]

i believe that if you're going to argue cultural conflict, it would probably be more appropriate to argue that it'll have psychological effects for children who grew up in one culture and was then moved to another culture and having to adjust. so i would disagree with you on that.

if i'm going to argue for the problems that interracial children face - it will be because of the stigma of the interracial coupling itself, not because of any conflict in "belonging" to a certain culture.

in response to jubes, it is extremely difficult for a person to maintain two different cultures, being chinese in america is difficult enough, sure you may get the best of both worlds, having jewish and christian parents, but there is also a psychological conflict of knowing that they are different from their friends and family members who aren't mixed

i was born in taiwan and i immigrated here with my family when i was younger. i would disagree with you again that it's difficult to maintain two cultures. i can speak and read mandarin, and i have an aspect of myself that is still traditional and fulfill the beliefs of what would be called "chinese/taiwanese culture". i still keep up with pop culture in taiwan and know the latest slang or trends. i'm also immersed in canadian culture, in having more liberal ideas and concepts. and i feel like i get the best of both worlds.

i don't think ABCs, even raised in a strict traditional asian household will ever fully understand what it feels like to have to adjust to an entirely different culture and change your whole life around. for me, chinese immigrants or FOBs or whatever, they don't accept me because i'm "too white" for them. ABCs don't accept me because i'm "too traditional". i'm exiled by both of my native groups, and i'm not an interracial mix.

so once again, i believe the biggest problem interracial children have to face is the stigma of being the product of an interracial coupling. and i think that is a problem in itself in that some people are opposed to the idea of formation of relationships that cross races. that's the problem that should be addressed in people's mentality.

just a note: a jewish and christian mix is not an interracial coupling. that's more of a religious / ideological belief.

[kwonsang26]

Aiyo..haven't had a good debate for awhile,so I'll start here hehe.
Well,in one perspective I was also in a interracial relationship with a white guy before & it was a beautiful relationship.

However,we did have our own personal problems because of his prejudice with asian people being submissive.Whenever,I spoke my mind or became angry,it would surprise him.His prejudice with asian people in general was one of the reasons why we parted ways.

I just feel that we could've understood eachother better if he didn't possess a fabricated submissive judgement on asian people.Because my relationships with asian guys lasted more longer & was more meaningful than my interracial relationships somehow.

Now I'm more cautious with who I date outside my race.I'm not against interracial relationships,however,I strongly feel that those types of relationships require more patience,care,understanding,& unconditional love.I myself,only prefer white & asian guys,however,I just don't have that kind of patience or time for another interracial relationship right now.

Furthermore,there's the old fashion asian parents that only lets you date other asian people.I've known some people who were disowned because they decided to marry outside the asian race.Such as my best first cousin,who married a black guy & had a baby,which horrified my relatives & parents.

I myself was a bit shocked because I was unaware of her taste for men at the time.However,I told her that if she was happy,then I'm happy too.Her baby is very adorable & he actually looks more asian then he does black.Then slowly but surely,some of my relatives & family members started accepting their marriage & invited her family over for dinner.

In conclusion,my parents were somehow more accepting of my relationship with a white guy,then my cousin's relationship with a black guy,go figure.However,I truly feel that if you really love that person with all your heart & soul.Then race,nationality,culture,language,sexual orientation,& stature should not matter,even if you have to endure a korean drama experience.

[zhy378]

one of the of problems with interacial relationships is that the children end up having an identity crisis when growing up. the formation of one's identity is strongly associated with one's ethnic identity.

^ yea thats what i think too stag, like it's nice that two person of different ethnicity found someone they can love, but would happen to their kids?!?! thats what some people would say.

just look at american history, in the 1800s to 1967 they create and had laws to ban interracial marriage and throughout that time period, they keep changing their laws to apply certain groups of color.

but i think time is changing, like we are more open to interracial dating and marriage, dunno, thats my opinion, its from the media, like when we look at celeb who have mixed ancestry like keenu reeves, kristin kreuk, alicia keys, tiger wood, etc. we think they are interesting. or maybe we only accept mixed people who are good looking and/or successful.

a movie i recommend that contain the topic of interracial identity is "Imitation of Life" the 1930s or 1950s verison. one of the character is a daughter who looks white but is actually black, she blame her black mother for being black.

[dh144498]

many conservatives prefer non-interracial marriages, for example, the previous generation, hence our parents. yet the current generation, to me, changes that perspective and tradition. many people are moving to other countries, and are getting married with other races. I personally are NOT against inter-racial stuff.

[alisadorsey@yahoo.co]

Personally I would date or marry someone other than my race. I don't have a problem with it nor does my family. Even if my family had a problem with it, it would not matter, because I am the one who has to live with the person of my choice. Just like I am embracing the Asian culture, I can embrace any other race other than mine. I am just an individual who just loves learning about different cultures. Not to boast or anything, but I really honestly do. I try to get to know the guy very well, his likes and his dislikes, his culture, his background, etc..

I seem to attract alot of Asian guys, which I do not mind at all. I cannot really generalize at all and judge as a whole. But on an individual basis, I find many Asian guys very dedicated to the relationship, and very attentive. I really like that very much. Yes, people do stare, but I don't care, because I am not worried about what they think. I worry about what he and I both think. For the most part, the guys don't even take a glance at these people. That is what I like also.

I believe people will stare at you anyways, regardless of who you are with. Maybe more when it is someone other than your race. One guy I liked he was buddhist, and I am Christian. It posed a critical point for us, because we really liked each other, but there was that conflict. We never debated on it, but were firm in our thoughts. He even allowed me to introduce Christianity to him, even though, he did not embrace it, but he was willing to give it a whirl and listen. I did not understand Buddhism, because he admitted he was just raised as one but not a practicer. So he really could not explain it, but was firm in that this is what he was. He then explained to me that he was interested in Christianity somewhat, but he had so many books that he read, that he was getting confused about it.

Over all, our final disinterest in each other was not from religion but our paths for our future were not insynched. So we parted ways. But not on bad terms, which is good. I learned alot from him and his culture by spending time with him observing Asian art and literature. So that was pretty cool. So in a nutshell yes religion and non common interests can be a strain on interracial couples, so you would need to talk about this upfront. Whatever they may be. But overall understanding others cultures was a not a problem for me.

He also had a son from an girl from India, so he is an interracial baby. But we never ever mentioned what race his son was. That wasn't important. I think the media puts too much emphasis on making people determine what racial bracket they belong. I belong to the human race and so does he. All I know that was his son, and if things would have worked out, he would have been my son also.