Arranged Marriages vs. Falling in Love

[zhy378]

okay this topic bought to my :sleeping: mind cuz in my class we read this article called 'Arranged Marriages Get a Little Reshuffling' about Indians and Pakistanis in the U.K. second and third generations changing/moderizing their traditional concept of arranged marriages but are not rejecting the idea of arranged marriages.
why is that?:glug: well..:
1. younger generation get to keep their culture traditions while respecting their parent wishes of using the traditional way to be married
2. while respecting their parents to have formal meetings, they get to meet the opposite sex of around their ages. so its like ur parents setting u up with all these guys/girls
3. because of their amount of potential partners are less than their home country.
4. it includes their parents and family members to be involved and approve of ur marriage. since to some people, marriages are more between families than the individuals.
5. the 'kids' (that mean u) get to be married to someone who comes from the same background-status making it easier to out last those falling-in love and/or attracted to their :drool: looks
:whistle: however, then theres that fairy-tale happy ending of finding someone u just fell in love with. :huglove: proving no matter what the differences there are between u two, u two:hugz: still have the love for each other.
:wave: so yeah, ever since i was young i thought arranged marriages was like ' oh i have to married him cuz my parents and his parents arranged our marriage since we were 6 yr old." however, now come to it, it seem different because parents have become more open in their children's ways of dating and marriages, especially like my situation being chinese in america where chinese is part of the minority groups in american so it can be harder to find that 'someone' compared to the white majority. soo anyhoo., now these days arranged marriage or at least the modernized kind of it can be view more like a match making thing than a forced :chain: marriage. however, in my opinion, arranged marriage/match making will be my last resort.
so the question is, does this idea of 'arranged marriage' work with u and ur ethnic group? or do u prefer just the falling in:cloud9: love system?

[wanie_jay]

nice topic....
i'm not totally against it, the idea of meeting someone that u don't know, get married, and then, start to develop love for each other sounds a lot more fun, than meeting someone, being in love, get married, and have the love to fade away..that happened a lot..
it's totally a lot better to love your partner even more after you get married, instead of having the love to fade away after 3 years of marriage...

i might go for the'falling in love system' first, but, if i can't get the right person for me, i might ask for my parents help...it's kinda silly, and yes not to mention dork, but, my parents knew what's the best for me, and they definitely want me to be happy....

that's my personal opinion....

[xWindwalkerx]

Well. Divorce rates have skyrocketed with countries that have embraced the "falling in love" philosophy. If you look many western countries have skyrocketing number of divorces, you can even see that countries influenced by western cultures, such as Korea have exprienced a trenmedous amount of divorces. On the hand countries, which, still practice arranged marriages have a far lower amount of divorces. Personally, I interpet this data as meaning that you learn to love somebody. Just like you learn to love somebody from when your a kid. You grow up with them, you get to know them, and you love them somehow.

[jisho]

I guess the fall in love system works for me. It really has to do with the culture you grow up in. For me, I grew up in America were it most things were "guess and check" I'd make a mistake and learn from it. In some cultures there is a lot of tradition and a certain way you do certain things. In these cultures its not hard to connect the traditional way of doing things to arragned marriages were the parents pick out the 'perfect' person.

[judes]

the reason why those countries that still have arranged marriages have low divorce rates is because often times they also take away personal choice. if you were placed into an arranged marriage, divorce is also frowned upon. so if your husband beats you then you have to withstand it instead of applying for a divorce, which could be next to impossible, especially if you are a woman. there are countries where women who apply for divorces are the family disgrace and one of her brothers, uncles, relatives, have the right to kill her for shaming the family.

but i also don't agree with the institution of marriage today. it's seen more like an obligation. they may marry for love but then find out that love just doesn't cut it when you have to pay the bills, have to feed the children, and that your lifestyles don't mesh at all. but people still stumble into marriage because it's the "right" thing to do, which may or may not be a good thing since there are some people willing to work hard to make their marriage last while others give up eventually.

[Ling]

the reason why those countries that still have arranged marriages have low divorce rates is because often times they also take away personal choice. if you were placed into an arranged marriage, divorce is also frowned upon. so if your husband beats you then you have to withstand it instead of applying for a divorce, which could be next to impossible, especially if you are a woman. there are countries where women who apply for divorces are the family disgrace and one of her brothers, uncles, relatives, have the right to kill her for shaming the family.

but i also don't agree with the institution of marriage today. it's seen more like an obligation. they may marry for love but then find out that love just doesn't cut it when you have to pay the bills, have to feed the children, and that your lifestyles don't mesh at all. but people still stumble into marriage because it's the "right" thing to do, which may or may not be a good thing since there are some people willing to work hard to make their marriage last while others give up eventually.
But there is also the argument that the reason that divorce rates are lower for arranged marriages is because people learn to about their spouse & then get to love each other while the other group apparently "falls in love" before learning about the spouse and adapting to his/her spouse.

[judes]

true. it goes both ways. i don't think divorce should be as easy as it is now and people should learn what it truly means to get married (not in a religious sense but in a financial obligations and commitment sense). but would i rather have an arranged marriage as opposed to marrying for love? then i would rather marry for love by figuring out what i want from a relationship instead of depending on chance.

once again, it's the luck of the draw. when you have an arranged marriage, you could end up with someone wonderful and you mesh together well and you learn to live with each other. or you could find someone who drinks and beats you. so i would much rather date someone and perhaps live with them first to find out what their lifestyle is like before i marry them. even if you are in love you shouldn't be stupid. you should keep your eyes wide open and decide: if this trait annoys me, then am i willing to live with it for the rest of my life?

[neorelated]

yeah..just 3 months back my family and I joined a tour group. There was an Indian couple there too..and some other few families. On the last day, we were on our way back to the airport. The tour guide made each head of the family talk about how they met their wives/girlfriends..and how they proposed etc :tongue: The Indian couple told everyone they were of an arranged marriage. The Indian man said that his father once told him.. the difference in an arranged marriage.. is that no matter what..you will still be learning new things from ur other half, years after the marriage. and the couple both openly admitted to that. They even said they got to know each other more for 2 years before deciding to have children of their own. Yet, they are still happy. They're more like good friends than husband and wife sometimes lol. At that time, my perception of arranged marriage became much different then what i thought of before. :happy:

[ask4more_jay]

apparently my parents have SORT OF "arranged" me a marriage.. i think my parents and the guy's parents are like half joking... but they've been talking about it even before i was born.. and here i am, at 14, turning 15 in 5 more months, and they're still bringing this topic up.

i believe in true love. honestly i do. i think marriage should be something done in freedom and one's own choice. arranged marriages are not fair!

and honestly.. when i fall in love or have a crush on someone... i fall deep! lol =)

[lil~jo]

true love....definitly and always better..
without it...you couldnt live with the person.
Especially during this day and time....when people can divorce, you are not going to even try to stay with your arranged partner.
In the olden days it worked, cause kids obeyed their parents more, and there was no such thing as divorce.

But now in this day and time, it will no longer work.
Therefore I conclude, that falling in love is neccessary for getting married....

[Eugene]

Arranged marriages tend to fail most of the times coz it's not true love .
You marry just for the sake of your parents .
I'm totally against the idea . :crazy:

[Rurouni[X]]

True love la..
First of all i never even KNEW there were still arranged marriages o.O
Especially not in Countries like the U.K. and Canada.. Esther lol..
I reckon that marriage cannot be arranged. How can you tell someone that you have to spend the rest of their life with this individual.
Even if you love him i think its wrong.
It should be the couples choice instead of the Parents.
PreNuptial agreements set by the persons relatives are totally ignroing true love. Which i guess i firmlyh believe in.. ehh can another guy PLEASE post that they also believe in true love (Blush)
ANywayz Marriages need to be formed by two couples even without the parents knowing if need be.
For me getting my parents to actually find my soulmate would be nothing short of hell.. ie We have very different taste.. ^^"
Just finishing off even if you DO have a arranged marriage you can always go along with it and find out how he/she actually is.. Looks, Sexual indulgence la..
And if it turns otu to be bad,'
Theres always Divorce o.O ^^"
..........................

[yukiko]

hei... i think most of people would prefer falling in love than arranged marriage. but i have a friend, her mother arrange her marriage. she havent marriage yet. her mom introduce 1 to her, then anothers. i feel pity for her. she have no freedom to do her own choice. and she still so young... still 20 something. she's not that old to be arranged like that. she's so pretty also. and the most pity thing of her is, the guy arranged to her is 40something. Geez, the guy can be my dad. my mom is 40 something too.
arranged marriage is okay if you are now 30 or older and you have no lover now. but if you still 20 something, you can try to find your love. have a nice love relation ship. feel the fall in love feeling. the butterflies fly in your stomach. it's so nice to fall in love and to be loved by the one.

well.. that's my opinion

[kamceng]

well, if you think you can't find true love, the i think arranged marriege is the only way....
but if you're still young, like yukiko said, why would you want to waste your time marrying with someone you don't even want to......

yukiko: what happened to your friend? did she marry the guy? just curious...

[Mika:.]

If you think of it in terms of matchmaking, there's nothing wrong with arranged marriages, really. The negative implications arise from the assumption that the couple is unwilling. If you're tired of looking and never finding the right partner, having someone else pair you up can be a bit less stressful, as long as you have the right to say no if the relationship sucks.

But anyway, I think the issue discussed here is the unwilling/forced/you-must-marry-the-man-I-picked-for-you-who-is-30-years-older-than-you side. I think it's really sad. I remember reading a book awhile ago, it was about a princess in Saudi Arabia. One of her friends studied overseas and was romantically involved with a white man. She visited home before returning to I think it was America to marry him, but when her family found out, they locked her in a dark room and kept her there for the rest of her life. She went mad after a few months.

True love > arranged marriages. I don't think anyone would disagree. But there's a difference between arrangement and introduction.

[yukiko]

she hasnt married yet. but her mom keep pushing her. :( isnt it too bad?